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Non-coercive parenting

I am looking for answers on this. I am non-punitive, but I am trying to understand ncp to see what the differences are between non punitive, and non coercive. Any information would be appreciated. I have looked at the websites, but what I am looking for is actual real life every day issues that come up and how they are handled in an ncp home.

Answer Question

Asked by Petie at 12:12 PM on Oct. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (170 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • not sure how a child (or anyone) can be disciplined being nice and sweet without any repercussions that are going to mean anything to them.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 12:15 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • non-punitive doesn't mean no consequences, just no arbitrary punishments. As for ncp, I'm not sure, which is why I'm asking.

    Comment by Petie (original poster) at 12:17 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I keep seeing/hearing ads for "How to transform your child" It's a money back guarantee, so what do you have to lose? The guy that did it is a child psychologist. Super Nanny has some good techniques as well. Good luck

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:17 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Not sure if this is what your looking for but try looking up "love and logic". It's kind of where the natrual consequences ARE the consequences. If they forget lunch money, they don't eat. If they don't wear a hat they are cold. If they don't clean their room, they have nothing to wear.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:24 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I will try to be a little more clear. I am non-punitive, that is my parenting style. I use natural and logical consequences with no use of arbitrary punishments such as time-outs, spanking, or berating my children. I like my parenting style and though it is always a work in progress is something I am happy with.

    With that said, I have read some information on non-coercive parenting, consensual living, taking children seriously, or whatever you want to call it. I am looking for information on that style of parenting and how it works in a real environment with real scenarios. I am hoping that if an ncp parent sees this, then they will understand the question because I feelt hat I'm not expressing myself well. Sorry for the confusion.

    Comment by Petie (original poster) at 12:28 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • We are part natural consequences and part corrective. For example. Hit your sister time out, explanation and then hug and make up. Don't wake up for school you get cold pop-tarts in the car vs. the pancakes I had warm and ready at 7. We teach through natural consequence to. My son saw a dead squirrel in the road at 3. We talked about how the poor squirrel didn't look both ways and got hit by a car. 'That's why we are so careful around streets.' Hit your sister. the explanation is. When grown ups hit each and fight they can go to jail. You got a time out because you are a child. You need to learn not to hit.'

    As far as what YOU personally want to do. I understand wanting real world examples but read as many books as you can and take only what you like from each one. No one singular book is going to have all the answers for your child.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:31 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • WHY can't parents just be PARENTS? What do you think your parents did? They didn't take courses, they didn't read books about how to not get onto their child and to be their childs best friend... they PARENTED you!

    If your child does something they aren't supposed to, go with your instincts!

    You HAVE INSTINCTS! USE THEM and be a REAL parent!

    Sheesh people!

    Answer by Memigen at 12:41 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Why don't YOU give us some examples of your parenting style? You don't think that we are understanding your question, and by getting upset over a simple thing like this, I hate to see what your parenting style response is going to be on a full blown 2 yr old in the terribles heading to the horrible 3's, much less a 15 yr old that tells you to STFU USB!! Give US examples, and the ages of your kid(s) and then you might get better responses.....until then, I really have no choice but to fear that your kids are brats who get away with everything under the sun and hope like hell you aren't anywhere close to where I live.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I like But Mommie's answer. How you can possibly be against time-outs is beyond me and to actually come out and imply that time-outs are "punitive" is just amazing!

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:46 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Oh my, why such a harsh reaction to a question. You know, if you don't like the question you don't have to answer.

    If your really wondering, I am studying criminology and the phrase non-coercive came up in the same sentence as authoritarian. I had originally thought those two words were incompatible but not according to this text. So I was curious as to what in the world the specifics of it are and how it works in the home. I know that most people believe that being non-punitive is anti-authoritarian, I know it's not, so the question has a reason.

    Oh, and my mother did read parenting books. Her parents were far away from her at the time and she needed advice but couldn't afford the rates for calling them every other day. We don't live in family communities anymore, sometimes our adivice has to come from outside sources.

    Comment by Petie (original poster) at 12:50 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

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