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2 Bumps

Am I too old fashioned?

Recently engaged after 5 1/2 years, I am really starting to think about what I want out of a relationship.. a little late, yes, but honestly- are there really men out there with motivation, good families, good morals, positive attitudes, that don't call women names when they're angry.. that don't mind taking the trash to the dump or doing a little manual labor around the house?
Sometimes, like after a conversation today where I was told I was "F***ed up" and asked "WTF" was wrong with me-- because I said I didn't want to have 40 people at our house for Thanksgiving when it's 2 weeks before the finals week of my last semester in college and our house is just not equipped to have that big a shindig inside-- I wonder if this is what all relationships are like..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • No, not by any means is that what all relationships are like. My husband is the type of man you described at first...the one with good morals, a good family, a wonderful attitude. If I were you, I'd leave. If he's like this now, it will only get worse once you are married.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 1:49 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I have been in a relationship like that before. It ended in divorce before 5 years. I am in the best relationship ever. There is someone out there for you that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
    christy_lvr

    Answer by christy_lvr at 1:50 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Not old fashion at all, having 40 people over for a big Thanksgiving dinner is a big production, and if your short on time even worst. I f he wants this so bad why doesn't he help you get it done instead of piling up on you? No hun, this is not what all relationships are like, most should be a 50/50 deal, a partnership of sorts, not that all are that way, but this is what most strive for.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:51 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • NO, you are NOT old fashioned. That kind of language from someone who says they love you is just not right. His attitude is hostile and u;loving. I am sorry.
    Maybe you could suggest that the two of you need some premarital counseling. He seems to have anger issues and a lack of empathy.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 1:54 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • been married for 5 years, he works hard, he is a decent dad, but he expects the 1950s housewife while I'm a full time student. I don't think men should talk to women like that either.... two options run away as fast as you can or live with the monsters you have created (which is what I'm doing) don't get me wrong I love him but i didn't ask the right questions before we got married. we have different values and parenting styles and it does cause problems sometimes (we work it out when kids arent around)
    lovemylilman06

    Answer by lovemylilman06 at 1:55 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • My husband is FAR from perfect, but he doesn't call me names, he helps out around the house doing chores and watching the girls so I can have a break. He doesn't exactly live by the 'do unto others' rule though, and that's where we have problems. Your relationship/man might not be perfect, but hell, neither are a lot of ours either! And that doesn't make you old fashioned.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 1:56 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • It doesn't matter what your reason is for saying no, it sounds like there was a communication void here and that there should have been room for discussion.
    Andriya

    Answer by Andriya at 1:59 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I really hope you are asking this question to re-affirm your correct assumption that this is NOT okay, and you shouldn't have to put up with that. He doesn't respect you if he said that to you and if he isn't able to understand your reasoning for the Thanksgiving celebration. I'd strongly consider your engagement, if it's 5 1/2 yrs into your relationship, he's not going to change. So you just have to decide if you're going to let yourself be treated this way forever or not...good luck.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 3:50 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Your dh speaks to you like this? If so, then you two need to have a talk because this is not okay. My dh would never treat me like this, ever.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 6:35 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • no not all relationship are like that there are good men out there you just have to think positive & let it come naturally to you
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:39 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

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