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How can I get him to understand I'm ok with.... adult content

the fact that he has women for friends, but Im not comfortable with the chillin together without me. I don't care if she is considered one of the guys to him.

I do have some trust and jealousy issues, but I dont think they have any part in how I feel about this. I asked him to go for a walk with me after I get home from work. he said ok. now past experiences, we get into arguments cause of miscommunicating.. or he could just be being a dick and want me to feel wrong. anyways... i want to get communication back to what it use to be, how would you tell him that yes this has been main subject to esculate fights but I want u to grow up and understand that i want you to take a min and understand my feelings.. and now think they are accusations..... sounds like i said it there but that has not worked...lmao

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Husbands don't chill with women after they get married. Try chillin with some male friends and see how he reacts.
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 7:14 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • It boils down to trust. Do you trust him w/ this girl? Maybe you could get to know her better & observe how they interact. That may help you feel less threatened by her presence. I have a couple of really close guy friends & would be heartbroken if their wives or gf's didnt want me around. They're like brothers to me.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:14 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Well honestly all you can do is talk, don't get mad don't get a snippy tone, and if he starts getting mad then let him know how you feel. The most important part is to talk, not fight. don't start name calling or bring up old shit to win the argument or prove your point, tell him this is how you feel and you want him to try his best to fix it because of how you feel.
    Lakoia

    Answer by Lakoia at 7:15 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Honestly, I'm with him on this one... I feel if you try to tell him who he can or can't be friends with, or put limits on what he can do in friendships, you're basically telling him you don't trust him, no matter HOW you put it. I understand you may have trust issues, but I'm assuming those issues were because of what OTHER men did to you. Don't project those feelings on him. If he hasn't given you a reason to mistrust him, don't.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 7:15 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • You have to stop riding his ass all the time. Give him some trust!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I used to BE that female friend. I never tried to instigate anything or get in the way of my male friend's marriage, but in the end his wife was so insanely jealous and paranoid that I ended up having to walk away to spare him and I the constant frustration. I couldn't even send a simple email of "hey what's up?" without her throwing a 2-hour screaming fit and threatening to throw him out and take their daughter away. Any attempt I made to try to be HER friend too set her off worse.

    I miss my friend. I miss having someone I could talk to about all the crazy stuff in my head at times. I don't miss her.

    If he's never given you cause to think he's cheating, why not give him the benefit of the doubt? When did getting married mean giving up on all your old friendships?

    If the situation were reversed and a husband was expecting a woman to give up her friends after marriage, we'd all be in an uproar.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 7:38 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I don't think its right for him to hang out and have alone time with any femal friend! If its not family he should understand. Its not like you are telling him they can't be friends, your are telling him you don't want them to be together alone. I don't feel like is something he should point the finger @ you and say your over reacting. Point blank, if he can't give you that respect and understand how you feel is he worth it? If his female friends are that caring and are truely just friends they would understand your points and say we are fine with only hanging out with you when she is here. If he gets away with it now, why wouldn't he think its ok to do it when (if) you get married?
    baby-cakes

    Answer by baby-cakes at 7:53 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • What about if you say just that, you aren't comfortable with it, those are your feelings, and you hope he will please respect them.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 8:36 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • When you're okay with them hanging out together without you, he'll actually believe you don't care.
    Read what you wrote "He can have friends that are women, but he can't ever hang out with them alone." Now tell me.. If your boyfriend said "You can have guy friends, but you can't hang out with them alone", would you believe he didn't care that you had guy friends? It's a little bit of a trick there, because you're saying "Sure you can say 'hi', but anything more then that and you're cheating." It's not right to restrict who he hangs out with and then claim you have no problem with them. Come on now, get over your insecurity and trust your man.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:05 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

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