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what consequence would you give?

SS (4th grade, 10 yrs) had a week to complete his HW packet. He gets math daily, has every day since the school year began. This is his fifth year of doing homework. So, the kid has no good reason to forget or neglect his work. His work was not completed today and it was due. He already had one late assignment at the begining of this week because he "forgot" to do his math.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Oct. 30, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I think the hard thing is he is only with you 2 night a week hard to make sure he is doing his job and if mom wont. I am not sure how you should punish him since he is half responsible kids do forget things I don't think you should take away halloween. I think you and your dh need to sit down w/mom and work out a plan she should understand how important education is since she is also in school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • He is only with us 2 nights a week and EOW, so we can only monitor his homework habits on those days. And though we know his mom has blame in this because for the last 18 m she has been focused on her Masters in counsleing psychology that she has neglected her son's education and his test scores has reflected this. But we also know that SS needs to be able to be responsible for his own work regardless of his mothers' lameness. Anyway, late and missing work is not unheard of for my SS. We are out of ideas for how to punish him for this. We have talked with his mom, but "in one ear out the other." He cannot rely on her lack of parenting to be his excuse at this point, because a 10 year old knows the ins and outs of elementary school.

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    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • Taking away the video games doesn't do it. He has a Halloween party he was invited to. But, is it fair to take away the party? He knows that if he doesn't take care of his responsiblities he has consequences in our home. We don't want to cancel Halloween. It is supposed to rain tomorrow though, so trick or treating wil probably suck anyway. What would you do for a consequence?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I would not take away something that only happens once a year without forewarning. If you'd told him beforehand that you would not let him go to the party if X happened and he still did it, well then ok. I do think consequences should occur, but I think he should know ahead of time what consequences will be. What are the consequences at school?

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:35 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I think the "special" events like the party, etc, should be taken away at report card time. But the "daily grind" responsibility's....if they don't get done, then he loses the "daily fun". Hanging out with friends, tv, video games, telephone, computer. At that age, it's still "do now, get now" mentality.
    Isn't he getting consequenses at school?

    Answer by EireLass at 1:35 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • What about positive reinforcement? Have you tried rewarding him for getting the work done? Have dad spend time with him. Maybe he needs more male bonding and encouragement instead of scolding. ? Just a suggestion. Sounds like his mom has checked out and doesn't care about his grades. If he knew dad and step-mom were delighted in his good grades, he would want to do it more often. Hope this helps.

    Answer by LilyBee at 1:40 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • yes, but consequenses at school need to be followed up at home (sorry, I'm a teacher).

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • We were thinking that if we take away gaming then that would have to apply to the party as well, so he would have to sit out if his buddies played video games or they would have to find another game. But that just seems like such a hassle. This sort of crap always falls in our laps. His mom doesn't give consequences for things like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • In all honesty, you might have to cancel the party. That's the way we grew up. If we did something wrong, and KNEW it was wrong (as in your SS does) we got EVERYTHING taken, parties, phone, games, friends, everything, until we got it together. You can't ground him, but then have non grounding moments. It won't really have an effect on him, because he knows, well I can still ahve fun 2morrow. I would say trick or treating, let him go, BUT NO PARTY. Explain to him why, and how imporant homework and school work is, and the lack in it will not be tolerated, and he will lose everything. Also, make sure when he DOES do it, you let him know how happy you are, BUT honestly, when they get to that age, I'm sure they start to care less whether they make you happy or seriously, be firm on this. Education is nothing to slack on, so you might need to nix the party!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • and also, I would also say, maybe no trick or treating, because that happened to me one year, when I got a D on my report card. I knew next year, to do my work! lol...but that's up to you on that subject!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Oct. 30, 2008