Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

will he ever change?

I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 5 months. We both love each other and we talk about moving in together. He is 31 and I'm 24, we are both stubern and hardheaded. I need some advise cause I just want to know if I should just go with my gut and call it quits. He has a really bad habit of drinking beer and smoking pot everyday. I really really don't approve of that, and I tell him everyday is to much. He tells me he is going to cut back. My gut is telling me he is not going to stop and he's not going to change. My heart is stopping me from just saying we can't be together. Another thing is he has a bad vocabulary, he cusses so much, and even in front of small children.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • IMHO, never expect a person to change. If you enter into a relationship, you should enter into it knowing the person for who they really are, not who you want them to be. You either accept them as they are, good, bad and ugly, or move on.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 7:26 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • He is 31, he won't change. Go with your gut.

    Answer by shanlaree at 7:26 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Doesn't sound like someone you should be with and 5 months certainly isn't long enough to be moving in with someone. IMHO

    Answer by elizabr at 7:28 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • id say fallow your gut, its normally right ^__-
    Most people can change, they are just too comfortable with how there living and it takes a dramatic event in there lives to make them want to change. most likely he wont change until after you've put your foot down and left, but he'll probably go back to his normal comfy ways in a matter of days. So id say go with your gut and give him the boot, find your self a man whos worth your time.

    Answer by Lakoia at 7:32 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • i agree your gut is usually right. is this the man you want your kids to be around? your obviously a mom so its not just about you now. you have to think if hes going to be good for your kids. you cant expect him to change and even if he does, change is usually short lived since we are creatures of habit.

    Answer by katiliffe1982 at 7:36 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Go with your gut.

    Answer by 4theloveofTink at 7:37 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Your gut feeling is your intuition...take it from someone who is an expert on ignoring her gut feeling and then wonders why everything went to hell in a hand basket. Please don't learn this painful lesson the hard way!!

    The truth is he WILL NOT CHANGE!!! MEN DO NOT CHANGE after moving in, getting engaged, getting married, etc. They don't and won't. Believe me when I say that what you really don't like now, will become the reasons you split up or get a divorce about later on down the line.

    Something that may help you understand him better would be to go to some Al-anon meetings. I don't buy into their philosophy of "it's a disease like cancer crap" but it can help you realize he won't change - even if he sobered up.

    My last boyfriend, I knew him for 3 YEARS before moving in with him....and he still ended up being a dirtbag that threw my at the time, 12 yr old dd to the floor and putting her in a "choke hold"!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 7:40 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I can not agree more with all your other answers. Go with your gut! NOW! At 31 he will not change and any change he makes will be temporary.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 7:43 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I do think people can change, they just have to WANT to make that change. Maybe give it more time before you make such a big step like moving in together. Only you really know if you want it to work or if it even will. If there's any doubt in your mind he's not "the one", I'd not move in, give him time to do the things he tells you he will then you can decide to cut your losses or make the leap of living together. Good luck!

    Answer by michelle121003 at 8:22 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • You're young, there are better fish in the sea. It might not seem like it for a while, but it's absolutely true. DH and I met in our late-30's, after a lot of kissing of frogs, and I am SO THANKFUL we both waited until the right person came along. Your gut says "dump him" for a reason. Good luck!

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 8:34 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.