Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Anyone else feel unappreciated...?

Ok, I know all of us moms feel like this from time to time, but lately, I feel like this all the time. I feel like my kids (16 & 13) always have their hand out, or want a ride, or help with something, and of course, I'm happy to be there for them. I love them, and I want them to be happy. But, there is no reciprocation here anymore. We spent bookoo bucks on braces, and they won't even take the time to wear their retainer, put in the rubber bands, or clean their teeth properly. Can't get them to do simple chores around the house in return for the things they have, or all we do for them. I know I taught them better. I did! Just feeling so unappreciated. It sucks. It hurts. I just wanna cry... I actually do, all the time. Just makes me feel so sad. I wanna feel like what I do matters to them, and that they care, just a little about how it makes me feel when they act so ungrateful.

Answer Question

Asked by veggiemom726 at 9:31 PM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Unfortunately, that sounds like pretty normal behavior at that age, IMO. Do you remember being their age? I know I was raised to understand the value of money and a hard day's work and I had chores, but I know I never appreciated any of it until I was much older, as in, out of the house older.
    I think we all feel unappreciated at some times. Kids of all ages take a whole lot more than they give, but that's part of being a kid. And that's why they need us so much more than they know they do. Who else would love them enough to do so much for them without an ounce of appreciation in return? Ya know? =)

    Answer by musicpisces at 9:50 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • that's sounds like me I have a almost 13 yr old and a 14 yr old no matter what I do it's not going to be appreciated so I don't go the extra mile to get appreciation I know someday when they are older they will look back and say mom thank you for everything I love you

    Answer by chica679 at 10:28 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • It's just so hard. I think it's human nature to want to feel appreciated, to want to feel gratitude, and to genuinely feel valued. Am I really supposed to just settle for this? and just suck it up? Emotionally, I'm having a hard time with this. I know it's not my kid's responsibility to meet my emotional needs, but this hurts.

    Comment by veggiemom726 (original poster) at 10:36 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I am not sure what the right answer is, but I know that most teenagers are completely self-centered. It is the nature of the beast. I was a pain in the butt when I was a teen, and now as an adult, and especially as a mother, I can now see how much she did (and does) for me and how unappreciated she was. Maybe they don't get it now, but if you raised them right, someday they will!

    Answer by CarriePM at 10:57 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I do know how you feel. My 22 yr old and my 17 yr old do not like picking up after themselves. My 11 yr old does help me some and I always tell him thank you. But they will do something for someone else before it's me. I hope I'm not sounding selfish. But I feel more like a maid than a mother. I wish I knew what to tell you to do, but I'm at a loss myself. If you find something that works out for you, let me know.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:00 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Frustration & unsatisfied expectations are normal feelings that parents with teens feel, most of the times!... Personally I did not value my parents efforts when I was a teen....but now I appreciated them 100%.... Is normal for the teens to think that everything is own to them, no effort on their part.............. Believe me... all the effort that you put on them today, will be recognize one day in the most strange forms.............They will remember things that you may have been forgotten already...... Time is your best friend.. They will live the same journey one day with their own kids................ Nature is wise.......


    Answer by Monica655 at 7:22 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Going through the same thing. I feel for you. Gl momma.

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 11:20 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I totelly get this, I dont feel any graditude from my 15 year old, hand is always out and she wants, wants ,wants and we are the worst parents in the world to say no no no...I keep getting told that this is normal, but I do not recall being ungrateful when I was growing up. I earned everything that i was givin.

    Answer by vntbarton at 4:28 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • okay mom you now go on strike no more doing for them no more taking them places ,no more of any thing time for you and your hubby come first,oh yes they will shout and scream but mom you given in they learn nothing and you lose.they want money earn it there is jobs that need to be done around the house,they want drive them to the mall there is other things they can do ,your 16 and 13 yr need to step up to the plate ,they need to more in the family and don't back down because they will run you over,you are the parent start shaking the family up ,you now what you might just love the change

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 4:52 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Much of that has to do with their age. Teens rarely realize the sacrifices their parents make until after they are grown and have children of their own. They are so wrapped up in their little world that they seldom notice anything anyone else does. I remember feeling that because my mom was my mother that she HAD to do that kind of stuff for me, never realizing how many kids don't have parents that do that. Keep your chin up, they will realize one day all the hard work you put in!

    Answer by alexsmomma06 at 6:17 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.