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Divorce? What is best for my kids?

My husband and I get along pretty okay most of the time, but I think it is because I will it that way. He can be very rude to me sometimes. It is inherited, his dad is the same way. He is a pretty good dad when he is around. He is almost obsessed with fishing. He was deployed for 4 mos, he has been back for 20 days and has been fishing for 2 weekends and he took a week off to go fishing and hunting. My sons 1st birthday was this month and he was complaining that I was having a party that he wouldn't remember! He won't go with me to family things like friends birthdays or the pumpkin patch unless I throw a fit and then he is miserable and ruins my fun. The problem is he is really selfish, if it isn't all about him and what he wants then he doesn't want any part of it. My son is 1 and my daughter is 2 & 1/2. I just want to screw my kids up as little as possible and I am not sure which option is going to do that?

Answer Question
 
nvywfemomof2

Asked by nvywfemomof2 at 1:14 AM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (44 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I wish my husband would go fishing.....
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 1:16 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • honestly I dont believe this is something to divorce over... I mean you should be happy, but you are basically upset because he doesnt spend time with you ( and that he is selfish but really 90% of men are) ... and if you got divorce you would be even more lonely.
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 1:18 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Selfish and rude behavior is not something one is born with. It is taught and learned. think about this Dear, what is your children learning from him? Is his action what you want your children to think is the proper way to relate to someone they are suppose to love? Do what your heart tells you is right
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 1:33 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • To Cheveyo1, there just isn't enough room to tell my story. That is exactly my point. What am I teaching my kids? That it is okay for you to treat your wife badly or to be treated badly. And what do I tell them when we look back at pictures of all these things he doesn't want to go to? Daddy would rather be fishing? It has nothing to do with me being lonely. He is in the Navy. And gone alot. I am used to it. I just don't want my children to be hurt by the fact that he has to be away for his job alot, and then when he is home he could care less to spend time with him. He has fishing to do!! I don't want my daughter to grow up and be treated the way he treats me or us and the same for my son. Can I stay married to him and teach them differently? Tell them that is how daddy is but it's not really the way you should be?
    nvywfemomof2

    Comment by nvywfemomof2 (original poster) at 1:40 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Have you tried talking to him about it in a non confrontation manner? If so, how did he react? Is there any way he would agree to marriage counseling? Is there a possibility of a trial separation to see if you two can get some distance between you to work things out? I think I would exhaust my other options before divorce if I wasn't in immediate danger. I think marriage takes work, but sometimes we need help making it work. Ask him about marriage counseling.
    ShaunnaMichelle

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 4:20 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I dont believe this is anything to divorce over. You should however, talk to him. You all need some form of communication and he needs to learn what is important to him in life and learn to appreciate it, and you need to help him do that..
    Luisa621

    Answer by Luisa621 at 5:56 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Are you my husband's secret family? :)
    CassyzMom

    Answer by CassyzMom at 6:10 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Can you go fishing with him? Take the kids and have a little day camp?
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:55 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Agree wtih Cheveyo1. See if you can go fishing as a family once in a while and make a fun day of it. See if you can get through to him that you want him to do things HE enjoys, but he also needs to spend some of his time with you ALL as a family.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 8:39 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I have talked to him over and over and over again. He remains convinced that I am being stupid. He either dismisses what I am saying or says he doesn't want to talk about it. I say I do want to talk about it and he just refuses. He also refuses marriage counseling. Before the kids we used to go fishing all of the time, me and him. And we enjoyed it alot. However with babies it is harder and when he goes, he leaves at like 7:30 in the morning and doesn't get back until after dark. I tried suggesting a short trip on a nice day where we could all go out, but he doesn't want to shorten his trip. And I can't spend all day on a boat with 2 babies in crappy weather. I just feel like he doesn't care and he acts like whatever happens, happens, but I am not putting forth any effort for anything! As for trial sep, we live out of state from any relatives, his or mine. And we are moving across the country in 2 months :(
    nvywfemomof2

    Comment by nvywfemomof2 (original poster) at 10:21 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

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