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How can I deal with an 8 year old temper tantrum?

She is normally a great child. But when "no" is said or she doesn't get her way, all hell breaks loose, and I end up using disipline-grounding her from her friends and taking away all electronic devices, which I think makes her feel she has nothing left to lose, and will scream, kick, not listen, even threaten to kill me. Hours later, in tears, she came in to apologize. This morning I asked her to brush her teeth twice, and was accused of yelling, and round two. She refused to get on the bus, but did. I think she needs a counselor. Any advise? Thanks

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Asked by Monica865 at 9:11 AM on Oct. 28, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • anger management therapy and testing for the Autistic-spectrum.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:13 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Not all kids have something wrong with them, my daughter is 8 as of yesterday, she is just now learning not to act that way, because daddy always gave her what she wanted, to keep her quiet and now yes, I am cleaning up the mess.
    You have to be honest with your self, and if that is not the case then see a doctor other wise. Pick your battles wisely. In stead of saying no all the time, say she wants to wear something that is inappropriate for the weather. I say well, I would not wear that it is raining and you will be sitting in school soak and wet and then you will get cold. or let her be cold it will not kill her for one day... next time she will think twice!
    Don't want to brush your teeth, ok, but the tooth fairy will not pick up dirty teeth, and the food is going to eat them up and you will not be able to eat corn on the cob anymore, or apples. She thinks and then brushes away. Your breath Pick your battles!

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:50 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Thanks, I guess after the divorce, years ago, I did give her what she wanted, and now that someone that has been in our life is now living with us,(2 years) I have been trying to change the way I do things, and she says it will just be easier if I let her have her way. Maybe there is a compromise.

    Comment by Monica865 (original poster) at 10:03 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • You cannot give in. So you have to think before you make demands.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:12 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I will let her wallow in her cries when she gets upset, she comes back to earth and knows that we will not listen to her when she behaves that way. You should definitely pick your battles but once you have started you cannot give up no matter what the circumstance.

    Answer by Andriya at 11:40 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Talk to the school counselor. Together you can determine if she has a problem or just needs someone to talk to about something.

    Answer by DivaDynamite at 3:13 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Investigate the root source of her anger. Ask her what makes her angry or why she doesn't want to do what she is asked. Be prepared to hear what she has to say, because her answers may make you uncomfortable. I also would not rule out the possibility that she has become accustomed to having her own way when she was younger, and now that her demands are becoming more out of line with what you are willing to grant, the two of you are just locking horns. If that's the case, remember that you are the parent and she is to obey and respect your authority. If that hasn't been the norm for the past years, it will be much more difficult to establish now, but it is by no means impossible. It will just be a lot harder.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:51 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I agree with Nanny B Investigate the source of the ager and get professional help You said:

    I have been trying to change the way I do things, and she says it will just be easier if I let her have her way. Maybe there is a compromise.

    Is your partner a woman? a man? Do you trust him?

    I am unclear as to who is telling YOU to "Let YOUR 8 year old just have her way!" Are you kidding me? What the hell is the root of all this anger in one so young. Investigate as a mother. Leave no stone unturned!

    This person has been living with you for 2 years? Where is your child's Dad? Does she see him? What does he have to say about the tantrums? It is unclear from the info you give but seems like your child has had alot of "changes" in her short life and may need help coping. We all need help sometimes better now than when she is 14 and really acting out!

    Answer by Wilma2 at 4:04 AM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I would talk to the doc about counseling.

    Answer by Peajewel at 12:31 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • i would try to find out where the behavior is coming from... and praise the good behavior, deal with the bad...

    Answer by asil at 10:56 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

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