Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

How do I get my 19 yr old to grow up & be responsible?

My son is 19, doesn't have a job, won't go to school, won't help out around the house. How do I get him to be responsible for his actions or inactions? I've been told to just kick him out, but do I really want to put him on the street?

Answer Question
 
DLPerkins

Asked by DLPerkins at 11:19 AM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • Thrust him into the real world, that'll do it.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:20 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • hmm, this is hard. stop giving him money or buying him things. tell him he has to work if he wants to get fed and clothd. life isn't this easy and when you leave this earth how will he look after himself. u really gota talk to him and explain life in the real world to him.
    otoole

    Answer by otoole at 11:22 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • As much as you don't want to, if he's not making an effort to get out there, you have to be able to help him. Give him a choice: School full time, or he moves out and supports himself. If you want a life and a responsible son, you're going to have to do it.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:23 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • No, you never put him in the streets, this will eventually do more harm than good. You sit him down and tell him it is time he carries his own weight around your house, you explain why, you reason. Try to help him find a job through friends or connections, push him along but never kick him out, he is still young, give him time.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:24 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Well sounds like he thinks he has a free ride.. i would give him a month or tWO to get a job, get money together to rent a room and tell him he has to be out of the house by a certain date.. butttt you have to hold up to it too.. it's called TUFF LOVE ;).. he will continue to take advantage of you as long as YOU ALLOW IT ;).. good luck to you
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 11:24 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Yes, I would give him a date, if he can't put money on the table, don't want to go to school.

    You have to go, He needs to learn to be a man. If you don't teach him now, what will happen when you are not around. Who will take care of him then.

    I would tell him if you don't have a job and don't chip in around here, you will have to be out by (what ever date you feel is enough time for him to get his stuff together. ) If you don't teach him now, he will be screwed for the rest of his life. and don't buy any extra food for him, just bye dinner but don't splurge on him...
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:26 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Tell him, Youre not going to school full time then you need to start paying rent. 200-300 a month. This way he has to get a job or go to school.
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 11:29 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I would give him a certain amount of time. Either get a job or go to school. Or both really, alot of people have done that. Even if he does go to school. You are still having to feed and cloth him. he is grown it isn't right.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 11:31 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I had to make my 19 year old move out at 19. He was doing exactly what you're describing. not going to school, refusing to work, sleeping all day, doing no chores, he would make himself some food when we were gone, and leave everything all over the kitchen counter....lot's of food got thrown away because I would come home and it had been sitting out all day. It was the hardest thing I ever did. We didn't see immediate results, it took a few years, he moved back home a few times, and we had to kick him out again several times. But finally in about his mid 20's he seemed to start "getting it" if he wants to have things, and live a decent life, he has to be willing to make an effort to do that.

    No parent wants to do that. Believe me I know, and I can't tell you how worried I was, and how guilty I felt, but I don't know what else we could have done. Good Luck, I know how hard frustrating this is....and heart wrenching.....
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:31 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • You have to cut him off completely. No more money, no more free meals, no more free room, no more free anything!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:32 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN