Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is something wrong with me if I am not interested in sex as often as my husband?

I am 36 he is 42. He is wanting and craving sexual loving all the time. I am just so exhausted by days end .... when I get a chance to sit down I don't want to have to worry about anything but just sitting and relaxing. My husband on the other hand, is always ready. Not only that but he works outside the home and when he gets home he does whatever he wants to do. Me I am always running here or there, cooking cleaning whatever. (3 kids full time 5 part time) I feel he doesn't appreciate everything I do! He doesn't understand I am exhausted., cause he is not the type of man that get exhausted when it comes to sexual activity. He doesn't help with the kids, he doesn't do much of anything around the house. I feel his self esteem is running low and that he is wanting sex to help make himsef feel better??? I don't know ... just wondering what can I do to make things better for us! We are good friends ... just fight over this!

Answer Question
 
krispy292

Asked by krispy292 at 1:22 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Nope it just the way that we are made, our hormones are different. I am not thinking that the sexual wanting is just do to self esteem I think that it is quite normal for guys to want to things more than women. It is easier for a guy to just get into it and we kind of have to separate yourselves from the rest of your day. I know it is hard for my mind to stop working it is always going nine million miles and hour so to turn it off is hard to.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Oh and some of the things we use to do in bed doesn't appeal to me anymore. And when I expressed that to him ... he said well I still want that and don't plan on going thru life without that. WHAT? Don't people change? Don't I have the right to go thru life not wanting the same thing I wanted 6 years ago (in bed). If that is the case shouldn't he understand? Should I have to give in? I mean should I have to fake it while it is going on ??? Ugh so just over even having to think about this!
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 1:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Don't feel bad I am having the same problem.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 1:28 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • You are right, my mind doens't ever stop. We don't get much time to ourselves ... and when we do get out on a date away from kids ... I feel like the only reason he is taking me out is due to he expects sex. I want to feel he takes me out to get me out of the everyday tasks. But of course after a nice evening out .... we come home and when sex doesn't come his way we end up fighting. Yes it should come more natural than it does for me right now ... but if I felt he actually cared about what I do and really appreciate it, then he would understand I am tired and need a break.
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 1:30 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Don't give in if you don't want to. It won't make you feel better. You will feel worse than you already do. And what you are going through is normal. There are a lot more of use out there than you think. It could be a lot of self worth/self esteem issues with you. Does cleaning up all day, cooking, tending to kids, etc make you feel like a woman or a mom? That's my biggest problem. I've put being a woman to the back burner so long, it's hard to get in that mood at the end of the day. You spend all day catering to your children, that it's hard to find a place for your husband. I'm going through it too.
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 1:45 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Izsarejman, I feel my self esteem is good. Maybe not so much my self worth! I guess reason that is hanging on is due to not feeling appreciated. If I felt my husband appreciated everything I do for the family, for him, for the kids was appreciated then I feel he would understand. All I get from him is "we only live once and we need time for us" (Which I agree) but life especially with kids running every which way puts a hold on us living. It's not that I don't love him, cause I do!

    What's going on with you?

    My day consist of getting up getting kids ready for school, packing lunches, taking them to school, running arrands, cleaning, clothes, etc. all household stuff. Computer work, picking up our youngest from preschool coming home fixing him lunch then nap time for him. Then a little time to continue to stay on top of house work or working on office stuff. (which I don't do enough of) Older kids get home,
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 2:02 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I get them thru their homework, and start preparing for sports. (I am a cheer coach for my daughter age 10) My son plays football and baseball. So I get things prepared for the evenings that I am running around. If i get a night we aren't out of the house then I am preparing dinner. Then I clean after dinner get kids ready for bed and by that time I am ready to sit down and do nothing. Worry about no one. When do I get that? Not enough. I am just UGH. I mean Mother's Day ... was the last time I didn't do much of anything. I pretty much layed on couch watching Lifetime Movies. But of course it was time for dinner and I had to cook. My birthday .... my hubby got kids up and fixed them breakfast but I knew I couldn't stay in bed due to he would know what to do for packing lunches. He tells me to let him know what he can do to help. But in my eyes I feel
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • if I have to tell you what to do or show you how to do it then I should just do it myself, alot easier than having a million questions coming my way cause he seems clueless on how to take care of anything/anyone but himself. If we had no kids I think he would be a pretty happy man but that not the case. I mean if I didn't have to focus on the kids and do things for the kids then it would leave more time for him. Sorry being so lengthy!
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 2:09 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Pretty much sounds like a man! Men are made differently. I know that it irritates me when I just want to cuddle and share some kisses that to him that means sex. It sounds like you have your hands full with kids and activities. Do you know anyone who could watch the kids so you could go on a date night? Even better would be if you could go away for a whole night, even if it's only to a local hotel, or a weekend to fully reconnect and recharge your desire and ignite the intimacy between you. Maybe regular date nights (once a month?) could help fan the flame :) Good luck sweetie and know that you are not alone :)
    kittieashy

    Answer by kittieashy at 2:23 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I've got very few people that can watch my kids .... but when I do get someone to do so ... it almost as if I just want to stay home and sleep or watch a movie. Yes I do feel we need regular date nights and maybe after football/cheer season we can find time to do that. But right now it's hard to get away and not be so totally exhausted. But again, I want him to take me out to take me out not because he is expecting sex from me when we get home! (I know I am dreaming) Don't most men think that way???
    krispy292

    Comment by krispy292 (original poster) at 2:34 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.