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Would you tell your friends their house is dirty?

One of my only two friends is not very clean. At times I can see the dust piling up. I dont know if it is my place to say anything. I dont go over often because I do not like my son playing with her daughter´s toys, because if she does not even clean her house, I am pretty sure she does not wash her daughter´s toys. It irritates me. I only have two friends and she is my deartest one. She moved on her own about three years ago and still doesnt have a decent dining room set, she barely has any dishes... She refuses to get off her behind to do anything including work or clean for that matter.. I don´t know if it is my place to say anything.. Would you?


Asked by Luisa621 at 3:35 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Home & Garden

Level 19 (7,211 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • No, I wouldn't say anything. You are going over there to visit with HER and HER DD, don't let the dust ruin it for you.

    Answer by QandA at 3:42 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Maybe you could offer to help her ger her house cleaned up. Good luck!

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:36 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • No way! You could ruin your friendship. Your son won't get sick from dirty toys. I never clean toys.

    Answer by mompam at 3:46 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • no i wouldn't, but im not a clean-freak germophobe type. i have only a handful of close friends and only one of them has kids, we get together all the time and will help tidy up eachother's houses, we will offer to cook dinner at eachother's houses, and whoever doesn't cook cleans the kitchen. it's just an unspoken language for us. but i don't let her slightly messy house stop me from visiting her and my kids visiting her kids, nor does she with mine. some people's houses are lived in, not a show of perfection.

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:47 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Go over and help clean. That is what I used to do for a good friend of mine. She would make a nice dinner and I would clean her house with her help and our kids help it was funa nd a reason to get together.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 3:57 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I agree with you about not wanting your child there, but I don't know exactly what I would say. Sometimes people are just overwhelmed by their responsibilities. I agree with fefe87. If she's very sensitive I might not say anything, just because it could end the friendship. If she invites you over maybe just say...hey, what don't you come over here. I know a lot of people think you should be direct especially with your friends, but that often causes hurt feelings, and embarrassment (not that the person shouldn't be embarrassed, but most people don't feel good around someone who they feel knows their worst weaknesses) and those things can end a good friendship.
    She may be comfortable with her life, or she may just be overwhelmed or just not mature enough to handle things yet.

    Whatever the reason for the situation, I'd think about it, and try to have some compassion. Good luck.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:54 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I'm not a psychiatrist, but her always being too tired sounds to me like she may be suffering from depression. I think you should stop worrying about the dust and grime, and see if you can help her feel better. Telling her she's disgusting won't help, that's for sure.

    Answer by SWasson at 9:56 AM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Yes i would... I have friends that speak there mind as i do if you are my friend i would expect it..

    Answer by MTM at 3:39 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • that would also irritate the hell outta me. i'm extremely a neat clean freak and would rather her come to my place. i wouldn't know how to sit. but i wouldn't have the courage to someone that. maybe i'd say it as a joke and hint her, like "man, did a storm just hit this place" i dunno, people can get really offended. i know alot that do. if she's really sensitive, i'd just not say anything, its not my place. if she's not, then i would hint her or offer to help.

    Answer by fefe87 at 3:39 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I think that scout mom is right. You should up a cleaning date with her. It will give you an opportunity to help her out and inspire her perhaps. Remember people have different standards. Your statement about her getting off her behind pretty much says what you feel.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:42 PM on Oct. 28, 2010