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2 Bumps

How did your child/children do with your divorce? how old were they?

I remember not being affected by my parents divorce but it makes me wonder how many kids ARE or AREN'T affected and how old were you were you when you split? or are you kids currently having a tough time??

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 4:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • When I told my ex I wanted to leave, my daughter was awakened (it was midnight) and told that mommy wants to leave and we will be selling the house. She sobbed and screamed. It was horrible. We sold the house and my daughter was deeply hurt that the room she had helped to paint would no longer be hers. Her life was in upheaval and she lived between 2 houses. She wanted to be one family. My ex said lots of terrible things about me at the time. I think it scarred her. Now, she is closer to my ex and treats me like I'm her nanny when she is at my house. She is jealous of my husband. My ex remarried but my daughter didn't have as hard of time I think because the new spouse lives in another town and won't be moving in for 2 years. So she always gets my ex to herself and doesn't have to share. I know that things will probably get better when she is an adult. But it is so sad because I feel I've lost her.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:33 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • my children where 6 and 3 yrs old...and they where NOT affected by it...me and my ex husband made sure that the kids saw nothing or heard anything that they did not need to hear...we talked to them about it and explain that just cuz mommy and daddy was not together did NOT mean things with them was going to change...it has been a few yrs now and my kids are fine...they go see there dad as much as they can...the only problem NOW is that there dad remarried and his new wife does not like my kids around too much...and there dad is an ass for marring a woman like that...i am also remarried and my husband LOVE them and show them a lot of attention and love...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 4:11 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I was a senior in high school when my parents divorced and I didn't think I was affected either. But now I'm smart enough to see the affect it had on my relationships with men. I frequently picked the wrong man and even now, after being married for many years, I don't feel comfortable bringing up difficult subjects with my husband. I think I'm also too much like my mother and married a man that is too much like my father. Not a good combination.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 4:17 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • cealaigh - don't you think as a senior in HS, you would have made those "mistakes" if they didn't get a divorce anyway? just curious..
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 4:19 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I will post what I posted for the other question that was similar:

    My daughter was 9 when we went through our breakup 5 years ago. It was so incredibly hard on her. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have left my ex (I left because I was not in love). I've since found the love of my life and married him. But the cost and damage to my relationship with my daughter doesn't seem worth it sometimes. I was miserable in my past relationship but our daughter was happy. I think I was selfish for leaving and it still makes me sad.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 4:48 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • what was the hardest parts for your daughter that made it so tough?
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 4:53 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Polled all 9 of mine - the only thing they had sticking point with was parental bashing. They did not want to take sides. Oh, I tried not to bash - but virtually ANYTHING negative I said - true or not - about him, they would perceive as "bashing". And he bashed me liberally. That was 12 years ago, we all get along just fine now, but other than that, they will say they were all better off because we divorced. Kids were 0 - 14 when we split.
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 5:21 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • My kids were 4, 5, and 8. Now they are 9, 10, and 13. I don't see any effects yet, they've actually adjusted quite well. Their dad was verbally abusive to me when we were together and my 5 year old had started telling his dad to "stop yelling at mom" which was when I had decided to leave. Our house was much calmer and less stressful without my ex in the house. They still go visit him, but know where their home is and who provides for their needs/wants (he doesn't pay child support)
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:21 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

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