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How do i tell a father he needs to be more assertive when it comes to disiplining his child?

i'm dating a guy that does the threats but rarely follows through. if his daughter is told no for just about anything, she throws herself down on the ground and starts the crying fit. she's 4. i know what i'd do if it were my son and i handled it when he was that age, but she's not mine. for the most part, i'm the one handling the punishments. but she's beginning to see that daddy will give in and i will not. she never listens. if you tell her to go in her room and clean it, she whines, cries, complains, and doesn't clean it. honestly sometimes she acts like she's totally spoiled. i'd like to try and put a stop to the sudden fits for anything work related asked of her. but he is a puff ball. i'm looking for advice on how to tell him without seeming like i'm stepping on any boundaries or hurting his parent pride.

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Asked by Lucca at 4:27 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Good luck with that one. My stepdaughter is 15 and I still have to watch how and what i say when it comes to his daughter.

    Answer by nonni2 at 4:31 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • As a couple you shouldfeel comfortable fat out telling him that as long as his warnings are not carried out when the behavior is continued then all he i teaching his daughter is how to manipulate and that behaving badly is OK because daddy won't do a thing about it

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 4:34 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Mom2Jack04 you said it right.. I agree you should should feel comfortable enough to just tell him flat out .

    Answer by MTM at 4:37 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • IF you have been dating him quite awhile, and IF you have a great open relationship......... ask if you can discuss something with him. Just tell him you have noticed such and such. And the simplest thing to suggest is to say when he threatens to take away something he needs to follow through and never threaten something that is impossible to follow through on. Good Luck!!

    Answer by elizabr at 5:00 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I have a 13 yr old sd and we went through this same thing and there was nothing I could tell him to make him see the light. But now that she is 13 he has been seeing the outcome of his never following through on punishments. He just shakes his head and now tells me I was right. I didn't want to be right I wanted him to do something about it. My best advice is to talk with him and approach the topic being supportive of him and not telling him what his kid is doing wrong or what he is doing wrong. They will be very sensitive to you telling them what is "wrong" the other thing I would say is to work together to come up with things that he is capable of following through on, I know I was always telling my dh what "I" would do and it just wasn't something that he could do. It has to work for him so he can follow through on it.

    Answer by sue118 at 5:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • I had the same problem with my hubby until one day we were at walmart and there was a boy there who litterally was screaming in his mothers face and she GAVE IN and got him the skate board! It old my hubby that if he didnt stop what he was doing that would be our kid in a few years. He has started sticking to what he says now.

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 5:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • thanks guys! we're gonna chat tonight. *crosses fingers* hope it goes well.

    Comment by Lucca (original poster) at 7:57 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Good luck and just lay it all out just like you did on here.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:24 AM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Good luck! you got some great advice and I agree with all of them.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 1:36 AM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • the two of you really just need to sit it down and talk it out cause it's only going to be a headack in the end... my hubs is not the disaplinary one it's me and i thinks it is how we were raised... but if you want things to work out between you two then you guys need to be a team and on the same page.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 10:09 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

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