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Your parents or inlaws let your child get away with everything! Now your child's behavior is getting wild and they are in trouble at school. Do you talk with your child's grandparents and ask them to follow your rules or would that cause a family war?


Asked by AlisonAstair at 8:20 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • Tell your there are rules for home, there are rules for grandpa &grandma's house, and there rules for school. Explain that although it is fun to get away with certain things at the grandparents house, it is not okay to do so at school. Then I would personally reward good behavior at home & school. Discipline for disobeying the rules for home and school, by taking away privileges or plain old grounding.

    Answer by ladygetz at 11:21 AM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I would sit down with my kids and make them understand that how they act with the grandparent is not the way they act anywhere else.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:26 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • First I would find it very hard that grandparents spoiling their grandkids is going to cause a child to misbehave at school. I have 8 ridiculously spoiled kids (by grandparents) and misbehaving at school has never happened. They understand what happens with grandma and grandpa stays and grandma and grandpa's. My rules are the same and never change.

    If the child is acting up there has to be another problem. I would keep looking.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:27 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Why would that behavior be an issue as school unless you - as the mother - don't have full custody of your child. A short visit with the grandparents shouldn't cause issues at school.

    And if they are the afterschool babysitters, it may be time to look at other options.
    Personally, my inlaws (and parents while they were alive) knew the boundaries for behavior and didn't cross them. They respected our choices as parents in how we raised our children.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:24 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • This is why my SS no longer lives with us. His bio mom and my MIL spoil him rotten and his behavior is out of control. When he gets in trouble in school or is failing a class it is not his fault bc he can do no wrong. His behavior was affecting my children's behavior. It was a constant battle and the family was suffering bc of the other adults in his life. We decided to let him live with MIL on our time bc we could not handle the behavior issues any more (even his therapist told us it was useless unless the other houses had the same behavior plan as our house). For you- I would start a war and protect my child. I would no longer allow those affecting his behavior to see him-unless they followed my rules. You have to look out for what is best for your child and having been thru it-that is what I would do.

    Answer by Carajust at 8:27 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • You might need to sit down with grandparents and say that while you understand that it is the job of grandparents to spoil kids, there are certain behaviors that your kids exhibit when they come home, and they need consistency to teach them that these behaviors are not acceptable. Inconsistency leads kids to test limits more, because they never know what to expect. My mom and my in laws do give my son time outs if they are called for, and they are good at still spoiling him, but making sure he's polite and respectful and behaves the way he should. It might be best for your SO to talk to his parents if they're the issue, and you totalk to your parents if they are. Good luck!!

    Answer by musicpisces at 8:30 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Unless your child is spending a majority of time with their grandparents, it's highly unlikely that their bad behavior can be blamed on them! The parents are responsible for the child's behavior, not the grandparents/in-laws.

    Answer by Fallaya at 9:14 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • if it causes a family war, so be it imo... when my ds was a baby (now 3) he used to spend every friday with grandparents, it would take all weekend to get him back to "normal" and them some according to his sitter... what ever rules and bounderis you and ur so have set, need to be followed threw with EVERYONE. or they just simply dont get the same amount of time with them

    Answer by mama_pink_tink at 10:18 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • No you teach them how to behave when they are with you.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:06 AM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't think the two are related. Kids act out for different reasons and different people. They know what they can get away with and with who. My husband and MIL are not good disiplinarians and my sons still listens to me.

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 3:01 PM on Oct. 29, 2010