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2 Bumps

So I'm feeling like a bad mom...venting

My tween age daughter hasn't been to the doctor in 2 years because I couldn't afford the insurance anymore. After untangling red tape trying to get state insurance for months, the fact that I got pregnant is the only thing that moved things along. Now that I finally have some insurance for her, I took her to the doctor. She's gained 33 pounds in these last 2 years putting her in the obese catorgory. She flunked her vision exam. The nurse wasn't able to draw blood because it wouldn't come through the needle meaning she doesn't drink enough water. She started her period a few months ago doctor says it's due to her weight. Then, later today I got a voicemail from the nurse saying she wanted to talk to me about what was found in her urine test. We phone tagged it until the office was closed so I'll find out what that's about tomorrow. I just feel like I've completely dropped the ball regarding her. I just feel awful.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Oct. 28, 2010 in Kids' Health

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • i understand you feel bad, but its the past.. now, look to the future and see what we can do from here on out.. yesthings may have slipped away(you also may not have been able to help any of it, even with medical insurance!!!!) but shes young, and better to learn it now than later.. now that you have insurance, get everything done that you can.. and just know, that you are NOT A HORRIBLE MOM!!!! youre on a site, asking other moms for advice and help.. that proves to me, that you care and love her!!! best of luck sweetie.. i know its a lil overwhelming, but here, youre not alone.. we all have times we feel like a bad parent.. learn from that and keep pushing to the top!!!

    Answer by AhmanisSoldier at 11:46 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • It is a shame that you couldn't afford to take your daughter to the doctor. Have your pity party, get done feeling guilty and make some changes. Weight can be lost, although I must say healthy food is much more expensive than the alternative. Cut back on pasta and carbs, and have her drink more water and exercise. Exercise can be walking around the block with mommy. Not saying you have to do anything that "feels" like exercise. Baby steps. These things can be corrected. As for her urine, there is a good chance her sugar may be high. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Just try and do better moving forward.

    Answer by DeeMomOfFour at 11:46 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • Don't feel bad Anonymous mommy. Just because she's 33lbs overweight does not mean she's obese. The doctors like to use scare tactics as far as weight is concerned. And the urine thing could be something as silly as she's a little low on iron. And her period? There is no way for a doctor to tell exactly why someones period starts when it does. In fact, most periods these days start because of all the hormones that cows are fed!
    And I completely feel you as far as state insurance goes. I had the same issue and it too wasn't fixed until I got pregnant.
    All you can do now is catch up on her exams and try to stay on top of it while growing a beautiful baby inside of you :)

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 11:45 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • You can't change the past. Just do the very best you can now. I think all moms feel guilty, no matter what. I know I have my moments.

    Answer by PhilsBabyMama at 11:51 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Try not to dwell on what cannot be changed and focus on doing everything you can to reverse the problems she has now and prevent any future issues. It's hard, and health insurance isn't always manageable. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 11:43 PM on Oct. 28, 2010

  • She could be a growing child. Was her height taken into consideration by the doctors office when looking at her weight and how much she had grown? Did you find out what they found in her urine? I know it can be hard to get tweens to drink water. I have 4 teens here in the house. But I tend to tell them before they can have anything else to drink, they have to drink a full glass (8 oz) of water. There is water in many of the other things they drink but a glass of just water is always good. Something to think about with her diet and the recommendations here, how about seeing if you can get her to each some fresh fruits or drink some orange juice. They can help with the digestion and metabolism of the other things that she is eating. Yogurt is also good. I encourage my daughters to eat yogurt especially during that time of the month along with getting extra vitamins. Good Luck.

    Answer by marchar2002 at 11:04 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Don't beat yourself up. You can't fix the past, you have her in the doctor now. So do what you need to now.

    Answer by kansasmom1978 at 12:58 AM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • First, don't be concerned about what you did wrong in the past, just make changes that will help in the future. Do not give her a large portion, that is only making her problem worse. She is a growing child, but the weight issue needs to be taken care of. You are not depriving her by giving her smaller portions, you are helping her. Teach her healthy eating. Have fruit available for snacks, no junk food. This will be better for the whole family.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 9:12 AM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • You know what? This is happening all over the care is SO're doing what you can NOW, that's what matters...just get your daughter the medical care she needs now that you have the insurance and don't beat yourself up over it! You need a hug *HUG*...there =)

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 9:23 AM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • Don't sweat it Momma! We all do things that we kick ourselves for! Believe me, I have a million things that I feel guilty for with my son but he is all grown up now and will tell people what a happy childhood he had. You cannot change what happened and sometimes trying to survive is the most important thing in the world. Good luck and try not to stress too much over the weekend.

    Answer by Peajewel at 7:18 PM on Oct. 30, 2010