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4 Bumps

gave her up

im 20 years old i already have a 2 year old daughter and am no longer with her dad i met another guy and we were together for a little more then a year when i got pregnant with another baby i def dont believe in abortion so i went with adoption the whole time i was pregnant i went back and forth trying to decide if i wanted to give her up for adoption or keep her i decided to give her to a family who couldt have children of there own even though deep down i didnt want to it didnt make sense to me and still doesnt why i kept one and gave her up i had my reasons for doing what i did but at the same time i didnt want to do it i know its something i cant completely get over but what are some ways i can deal with it a little better?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Oct. 29, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (19)
  • Just try to remember that she is now with a loving family that will give her all the love and support that she will need. I am sorry that you are feeling this way.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 12:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Everyone has their reasons for giving a child up for adoption. You're young, you already have a child to care for, it would be really hard on you to care for another. Whether others agree, others understand, or not you know that it was the best thing for you to do. Virtually nobody wants to actually give their child up for adoption, even if they know it's the best for them. Giving her up for adoption doesn't mean you don't love her, doesn't mean you don't care for her, it just means you weren't able to be everything she needed. That's okay. She's with a family who will love her, care for her, and be everything she needs. Just know that what you did is the right thing for you.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:46 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I would suggest counseling directly for this issue,, *hugs* I hope you get what you need... good luck...I wouldn't try to deal with these feelings alone or by yourself, it could eat you alive.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:46 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • It sounds like you did what was best for your little girl. It's hard now, but keep in mind she's in a great home with people who love her.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:47 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • You had your reasons, and I am sure it was the hardest thing you have ever had to do. Just remember she is with a loving family who will cherish her. You did the best for her.
    kansasmom1978

    Answer by kansasmom1978 at 12:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Join a support group like CUB and look for a therapist that specialized in adoption. You need to grieve the child you've lost. That loss his huge and while people will expect you to be comforted with the knowledge that your baby is alive and happy, those of us that have been there know that it doesn't work that way. Grief is something that needs to be processed and takes time. I have a list of support groups and therapists in my Adoption Reunion group. Check it out. http://www.cafemom.com/group/14715
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 12:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Yes i would see a therapist or councelor , u didnt do anything wrong& you are not a bad parent!(((Hugs)))
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 12:55 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • You need to get some counseling to help deal with all these feelings. It is very hard I know. I am a birth mother too. I can not say the pain every goes away you just deal with it in a different way I guess. Do you have contact with the adoptive family? Maybe if they sent you a picture or letter so you know how she is doing. It must be really hard for you since you have one and gave up the other. You did it out of love I know. As the years go on you will learn how to deal with pain better. I can not say it will get easier because we all deal with our feelings in different ways. You need someone to talk to and share your feelings with so please try and find a counselor. In the beginning when I first go away my daughter, I was in so much pain but found a great counselor that helped with through some of those rough patches. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    ramajil

    Answer by ramajil at 1:06 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • When you start to question yourself or feel guilty about giving her up, just remind yourself that you gave that couple a gift more precious than anything anyone could have ever given them. I also think that what you did is a very unselfish thing to do. So, remember you were responsible for making 3 people a family and that all three of them will benefit from what you did.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I agree with so many, you should talk to a counselor about it. And don't let anyone tell you not to, they don't know what you're feeling and can't possibly imagine the complexity of what you're going through. Please take good care and I wish you continued strength.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 7:29 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

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