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2 Bumps

Does you and or your SO feel like a poor provider when you have to borrow money for something you need?

We borrowed money from my parents(who have it to spare) to replace out heat/air system. My hubby is feeling like a poor provider, because we had to borrow. I told him we will pay it back and it is no big deal. It is huge to him.

 
dancinintherain

Asked by dancinintherain at 12:59 PM on Oct. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,529 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • We've been there. DH lost his job the day we got back from our honeymoon, and we were pregnant. It's been 2 1/2 years, and he's STILL looking for work (that will pay him enough to make it worth getting off of unemployment). We had a disposable income then, and now we're making about half of what we were making then, and we have more bills (we were living where he worked). We had to borrow over $10,000 from his parents in the first year or so. It hurt both of us to have to ask. I know for me, I was humiliated and embarrassed and felt like a low life. But I knew we were using the money for bills. Since then, since we haven't paid them back in full yet, I feel like they're judging us if we spend any money on something fun (even if they're not, in my head, it feels that way).
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:15 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • its a pride thing... we haven't had to do it yet but my husband would have the same reaction..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:00 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • it is just a pride thing but also they fill like they let there family down. give him some time
    bumkins_mummy

    Answer by bumkins_mummy at 1:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • we don't have to borrow money.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 1:02 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • It's weird because my husband has a ton of pride when it comes to providing and when I get down because we have low funds, he thinks I'm bitching at him for it and takes it as a low blow. However, when it comes to borrowing, he really has no trouble with it. I'm the one who hates to ever have to ask people for money.
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 1:07 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • It's a pride thing. Men don't like to borrow to 'provide' for there family and that is the way he is looking at it. Once the money is paid back he will feel better but in the meantime it is up to you to stroke his ego and try to make him see that that one emergency does not mean he is not a good provider.
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 1:36 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • DH and I are funny about this. He is fine to take money from his parents and they never want us to pay it back. I feel weird about this. I hate to borrow money from my parents, but sometimes we have since we don't want a to take advantage that his parents would just give it to us. We always pay it back, but we both feel guilty to ask and a little embarrassed until we pay it back.

    We are working on building up our own savings so we won't have to borrow money again. EVER... we hope.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I don't think I'd feel like a poor provider if it were something major like that. Not everyone has the funds to replace a huge expense like that. If I were borrowing money to buy groceries or diapers, then I'd feel like a poor provider.
    mama2br00ke

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 2:34 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • S### Happens its noty your borrowing money to by beer and he sounds like a good man because he feels bad some guys act like the world owes them something goodluck it will come your way..
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 2:35 PM on Oct. 29, 2010