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Should I...

I've been fighting with myself for weeks now on rather or not I should give my daughter up. The father (as supportive and excited as he is) isn't the "grade-A" dad. We've been together about a year and a half & He's known for 6 months that i'm pregnant and still doesn't have a job he is in college and likes to smoke weed. I on the other hand I'm graduating early from high school and fighting with myself everyday to prepare for her. My family isn't rich by any means.. we hardly get by sometimes.
I'm just scared that I won't be able to provide for her yet, I feel selfish because I want to keep her because I'm already attached to her. "/
His parents are excited and so are mine & i'm excited to be a mommy.. Maybe I should keep her and boot him out of the picture if he doesn't man up? Or should I just bite my tounge and give her to a family who can't have children and can provide for her?
Any advice will help. Please.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Oct. 29, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (22)
  • No one is ever completely ready for a baby... that being said just ask your self, could you live with knowing your baby is out there with someone else? Wishing you the best of luck with your decision.
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 4:49 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • would joining programs like wic for the milk help you keep her? you can also join giveaways for needy moms group on here lots of mommies have things to give away and theres even an area where you can post your story to get adopted for a diaper bag filled with goodies its worth a shot congratulations good luck on making your decision and always remember you CAN do it and there are people willing to help :)
    405mom

    Answer by 405mom at 4:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Your the only one who knows what best for you baby....maybe you should talk to your family about it....try having a heart to heart. You could even speak to your doctor about it....but remeber noone is usually going to tell you one way or the other, its something you have to decide. but if you and the father are not going to be able to do right by the child maybe its a good option, you can also look into an open adoption. Good Luck
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 4:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I've always thought this is a no win situation either way you go.
    You never ever know what the future might hold.
    Few thought:
    IF you gave her up and the family that got her could a: get divorced, b: fall on financial hard times, c: one or both could die early, or any other things. You just never know.
    IF you kept her, the father could wake up and smell the coffee and be the man you and your daughter need him to be.
    IF you kept her, you could kick the father to the curb and he could still be in her life.
    IF you kept her, you get to experience all the wonderful and frightening things that come with being a Mom.
    Good Luck!
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 4:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Thank you all for all your advice :]
    Raelynn0407

    Answer by Raelynn0407 at 4:56 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • i honestlly think you should keep her. I think he should get to be in her life but only if he gets his act together you have to explain to him that she doesnt need someone in her life that is setting a bad example she doesnt need to be around someone that smokes anything and she needs a daddy that is going to be able to support her even if he cant support you he needs to do it for her. There is alot of help out there for women with children, the government offers alot and so do alot of other centers and programs. Just google help for single moms or help for struggling moms or help with my baby. Then do some research and start making phone calls. He sounds like he wants to be in her life and it sounds like you guys have a strong relationship. So if he is how he seems he should be willing to make the changes necissary to be in his daughters life. Need more help feel free to message me.. good luck
    Lecie415

    Answer by Lecie415 at 6:19 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • The biggest word I saw in your question was "yet". don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There's nothing, repeat nothing selfish about wanting to keep your baby with you and raise it. If it's a choice between your baby and the doper.....there's no choice. And btw, your baby doesn't want things, it wants you.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:08 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • It sounds like he's not the right man for you, so I wouldn't make your decision about your baby dependent on him. I am hesitant to recommend you call an adoption agency, though they say they have "non-directive counseling" which means they won't make you choose any one way, I know a lot of them do and wil try to steer you towards adoption. Can you try Planned Parenthood? I know they offer so much else other than abortions, but that is what everyone thinks of them for. They're really a women's health organization fighting for women to be parents when they plan to, and part of that is counseling to help you find the means to support your child if that is what you want to do. It sounds to me like you want to keep her, so I'd recommend you do everything you can to find the services in your area to help. Good luck to you.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 7:33 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • You can always find another man. You will never replace your own child. Keep your baby. You won't regret it.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 9:00 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Maybe I should keep her and boot him out of the picture if he doesn't man up? Or should I just bite my tounge and give her to a family who can't have children and can provide for her?

    Some situations that lead moms to consider adoption are very complicated. Your situation is NOT as complex as many. Keep your baby, and if the dad doesn't man up, get rid of him. You want your baby, have family support and just because the dad does not seem that ready yet to parent is no reason to not raise your child. If money is a problem that are many resources to help you.

    Adoption is a business and agencies need babies. They rarely are honest about what it is like to not raise your own child. I believe an adoption agency is the WORST place to learn about adoption.

    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:54 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

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