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2 Bumps

Do your parents or in-laws ever unfairly compare your child with the way you were as a child?

DH was telling me that he was annoyed with something his mother had said to him about DS. That he (DH) never behaved that way, that he was a good kid, had the patience of a saint (he still does btw). DS does have discipline issues and he's very temperamental and impatient (he gets that from me unfortunately), but we're working on it. But it hurts DH to have her talk that way about him. It's like she (and FIL) believes he should be this perfect child that does exactly what he's told, when he's told (wouldn't that be nice!). He doesn't like it because he recognizes DS as his own person and he shouldn't have comparisons made like that.

It's gotten to the point where we don't really enjoy spending time with his family anymore. When the holidays come around, we kind of get that "Let's just get through this (*sigh*)" feeling again.

Does your family do that?


Asked by thatgirl70 at 10:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • My mother does that to a small extent regarding our 9-year-old son. I was a very early and enthusiastic reader, my son showed little interest in reading for pleasure until recently. My mother used to make a lot of comments about that and I found it annoying, but fortunately I was able to talk with her about my feelings and she has stopped for the most part. Around the same time that she stopped making those comments, my son suddenly exploded into reading. Hm, I wonder if those little comments had anythinbg to do with that?

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:32 AM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • My mom does that...all the time. Drives me crazy. Basically everything my kids do, she compares to what I did or my brother did

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 10:27 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • Nope, my family acts like my son is a perfect angel no matter what he does- and believe me he is far from perfect. A happy medium would be nice =)

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:28 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • I'm just waiting for this... we're waiting adoptive parents and it's likely our child will be a different race than us. Can't wait for the "she/he looks like you!"

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 10:42 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • In a way, yes my family is like that except it's said on a note of humor. I was a spaz as a child, I was demanding and difficult. I had a weird sense of humor and was a total smart ass. My kids are the exact same way so my mom and aunt like to tell me stories and state how my kids are just like me, especially when I get mad or frustrated about how my children are behaving. My mom and aunt like to say "You deserve it, those kids are just like you." My mom had a problem like yours, my dad was the youngest of four boys and my grandmother doted on him so because (in my grandmother's eyes) my brother and I were not perfect my mother often got comments from her about our behavior and finally my mom had enough and just went off on my grandmother.

    Answer by anon1986East at 10:57 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • actually no...the family never compairs any children to us when we were children or any other children in the family. They are very aware that all children grow and develope differently and not one child is as another! =)

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 11:19 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • actually no...the family never compairs any children to us when we were children or any other children in the family. They are very aware that all children grow and develope differently and not one child is as another! =)

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy 18 minutes ago

    We definitely wish his family was like that. That's good that you have an understanding family like that. :)


    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 11:40 PM on Oct. 29, 2010

  • DH has two older brothers, all with kids. Between three families, we all had different parenting styles.

    BIL #1 had his kids pretty young (18 for his firstborn) and he and his wife were still in the party stage so their kids would get dropped off alot at the babysitter (well MIL & FIL) while they partied.

    BIL #2 (his son is four months younger than ours) took on the strict parenting style of his parents. CIO (from birth), no co-sleeping, etc. etc.

    DH and I took on an attachment style of parenting, no CIO (until he was older), we co-sleep, we slather him with affection.

    Now out of the three families, who do you think DH"s parents favor the most? Yep, BIL #2 because he's doing things just like they did. It hasn't necessarily made nephew a better behaved child (honestly I wouldn't know, I only get to see him a couple times a year), but the fact that BIL chose to take on their style kind of appeals to their ego, kwim?

    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 11:48 PM on Oct. 29, 2010