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What should I do?

The night before our wedding my husband groomsmen took him to a strip club. I was ok with that but I asked him not to get drunk and not to get a lap dance, other than that have a good time. Well about an hour before our wedding my bil tells me that he had gotten smashed AND had gotten a lap dance. I feel so betrayed and feel like he cheated on me. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just seems to ignore me. Every time I think about our wedding I remember what he did and it kills me inside. What do I do? Do I leave it in the past? Forgive and forget? Please NO BASHING... I just want some advice... I understand everyones relationships are different, but the two things I asked him not to do he did and he did both. We have been married a little over a year but it still hurts.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Oct. 30, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • i know what you mean at my husbands job he had to travel alittle when he first started now when we first got together i told him that i would absolutely leave him if i ever found out that he went to a strip club while we were together if you can't enjoy what you have at home then i don't need to be there well on one of their trips there were like five guys that went they decided to stop at a strip club my husband never told me but i went to pick him up from work one day and someone let it slip now it wasn't his idea to go and he wasn't driving but it still hurt that he had been there and kept it from me i understand he was in a situation where he basically had no choic well i guess he could have stayed in the car

    Answer by jodi205 at 11:32 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • forgive and forget. Honestly, I wouldn't expect him to go to a strip club and NOT have that happen. Especially when he has the peer pressure of all the other guys with him. It was his "last" night as a "bachelor" and I'm sure that they're going to push him into it! I would have expected it on some level, even though I myself would not have wanted that to happen either.

    Answer by mrseum at 11:13 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • Have you tried to talk to him? If not, I would suggest you do. Use I and me statements. "I want to get your input on something that is bothering me" and "I felt betrayed", etc. I would strongly urge you to get it out and deal with it and grow together from here on out. Learn from the past and grow in the future.
    I am speaking from personal experience. The situation is different but what it all comes down to is trust. Not having/building trust in a relationship will destroy it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I think you should just forgive and forget, put it in the past. He was drunk, not that that is really an excuse. You hanging onto this is only causing problems for you. Since you've been married has he done anything like this? Marriage is hard, sometimes you just have to forgive and move on. I know it may be hard for you, but it's in the past, you can't change it now. Just decide to go from this day in your marriage, leave the past behind you. Best of luck to you!!!

    Answer by robinann5 at 11:19 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I'd have called him as soon as the BIL told me and ask and if he admitted it, I'd have called it off right then. Not bashing, that's just what I would've done. When you went thru with the wedding, it should have been dropped, forgiven and put in the past if you were willing to marry knowing what he did. From my experience, people don't like to have their past mistakes thrown up in their faces. He likely feels like it's just fueling the fire if he talks about it and that's why he refuses.
    Let it go.... if you still love him and want to be with him.... how about having a vow renewal so you have a happier wedding day memory?

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:19 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • FORGIVE AND FORGET!!!! Really, are you willing to let your marriage go because of the last night party with the boys. (he didn't cheat) and they are NOT allowed to touch while getting a lap dance. So, what diffrence does it make?

    Answer by racingmomma at 11:23 PM on Oct. 30, 2008