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Should I continue to be in my dads life or should I try to just stay away?

My dad loves to argue a lot and it get's pretty bad when he gets loud and says hurtful things. I thought that things where going good but he always ends up flipping out and hurting me? I don't think I can take being around a person who I have to watch what I say even topics that aren't even a big deal can end up going in the ditch? So if you had a father who always found fault in everyone. And couldn't agree to disagree, what would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Oct. 31, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • If you think he is "toxic" to your kids and you then it would be best to cut ties. I did years ago for all the reasons I told you and I may miss him but i will never search for him because I do not wish for him to be in my life nor my girls lives. He is a very toxic person and only brings negativity to anyone he is around. So I do know where you are coming from, I was just pointing out that eventually even though it is best to put him out of your life there will come a day where you will miss him and struggle with the decition that you made. Goodluck.

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 11:45 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I have a mother like that it is sad I just tell her does that make you feel better about yourself to make me feel this way and be so hurtful keep in there its just the old in them

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • I have one of those... and it sucks bc I want my boys to know their grandpa, but I had to give up. Seriously think if he is worth the effort. I mean, yea he's ur dad, but why does he have the right to make u watch what u say bc u don't want to offend him but he can hurt u. Weight out the pros and cons

    Answer by mrsfarris at 12:23 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • I'm sorry. I would try to work it out. My father and his mother have a bad relationship that affected our whole family's relationship with her. They basically fell out of touch because she couldn't let things go. It is really unfortunate. I hope for your sake and your kiddos sake you try to work it out. It was a bummer when I was younger and really just did not know that side of the famiy at all. I still don't. I wish she could get over it and move on. I feel like she doesn't act like an adult at all.
    You just don't want to end things, and have something happen, and regret it. :/

    Answer by mrseum at 12:30 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • Everyone has that one family memeber that you "have to watch what you say to keep the peace", in your case it is your dad. As much as you just want to say"shut up and go to H*&%" He is your dad and if you just stopped talking to him one day,you would eventually miss him. I have one of thos ein my family who I love with all my heart and I so disagree on many levels but I sit back nod laugh smile all the while thinking the opposite in my head. Don't cut ties with him you will regret it later. maybe just have a little talk, maybe you guys can come to an aggrement to agree to disagree. Goodluck!

    P.S. I stopped talking to my dad 6 years ago because of his drug use and just for the fact he is an a**hole, I miss him everyday and have no idea where he is or if he i seven alive.....

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 12:48 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • My father was that way. I still talked to him, but not alot. Then he called me one day and asked me if I'd start coming to his house once a week to clean. I really didn't want to subject myself to that every week, but I finally decided to go, he was my father and he asked for my help. Well we ended up having lots of heart to heart talks, he even said a few "nice" things about me and my decisions in life. We talked more than cleaned, we also did a few small home repair jobs together. Then a year later he died. I was so grateful to have had that time with him, to kind of make up for all the wasted years. Finally I knew my dad did care about me and respected me as a person and a mother. I say just try to deal with it, try to make the best of it. I did avoid my dad for years, but I still kept in contact alittle.

    Answer by robinann5 at 1:00 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • I haven't spoken to my mother in almost 2 years... it's so sad because I just keep thinking about her all the time and I think of all the things in my life she has missed and all the things she's missing in my daughter's life. I can count on one hand the # of times she's seen my daughter. Unfortunately, neither one of us can be the better person here... she has said so many hurtful things to me that I absolutely refuse to keep trying. We have had a roller coaster relationship ever since I was 15 and now I'm 27... I have to move on with my life because I can't be stuck in the past with her. You have to really ask yourself if the relationship is healthy for you... all the drama with my mama really depresses me and I just had to stop it. I don't want to expose myself or my family to that negativity.

    Answer by msp12r at 1:36 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • My mother is like that she says the meanest things she has a big mouth and says things and does not care who she hurts she always compares me to her side of the family and starts comparing jobs and everything else .I would never treat my kids the way she treated me. I want to see my grandkids.I have never got along with my mother my father yes I have even wondered if I was adopted.I still really don't know.

    Answer by monica277 at 3:24 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • .

    anonymous: My dad is in his early 50's and I feel middle aged people should set the example and be kind to the people he loves even when he doesn't agree.

    mrsfarris : When I think about him and being around him I cry because I can't fix another person or make them change. We've had many discussions and the last one ended up with him going off on me so I feel as if he's made it impossible. I shouldn't have to be stressed out at the thought of being around him. You're right too it does suck.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • Izzyscrazymom Yes he is my dad but I feel that family is what you make it. A person cannot be abusive in disrespectful and expect people to be around because they're family. I want quality people in my kids life not ones that they have to walk on eggs shells around. I've had many talks with him and he's the type that thinks he's always right and that everyone else is the problem. I can't keep talking to someone who chooses to not see what is so clear to everyone else. Honestly I can say I will not miss him because he lives in the same town is retired and they don't visit even monthly to show that they actually do care about us. I am sorry that you have a father who is addicted and that you have to miss him everyday. Hopefully you can get through this tough time.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Oct. 31, 2008

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