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Should I let go a little?

My DD will be 14 in about a month. She is over all a good kid and I'm very proud of her. I haven't allowed her to go anywhere unsupervised yet but I do allow her to stay home alone for short periods of time and to go to some school and Church programs without us as long as I know who will be with her and that she'll be ok. Lately she seems to be gone somewhere or doing something most of the time she's not in school. She doesn't enjoy being home with us and if we do spend quiet family time together (because I make her) she is usually not very happy. She complains about it being boring. It doesn't make things pleasant.

Should I accept that she is getting older and respect her space or should I force her to stay home more?

Answer Question

Asked by wahmoftwo at 4:47 PM on Oct. 30, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 7 (168 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • i would allow her to have more freedom but set rules.

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:49 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • Sound like a teen to me. You do what you want. If you want her to spend time with the family do it.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:54 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • let her go and be a teenager but set rules! i was never home and i turned out ok! lol

    Answer by Caroline2010 at 4:55 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • I know how I started acting at age 14 and if I should have a daughter someday I will be keeping close tabs on her. You have to let her do some things, like go to the mall with friends or whatever, but make sure she's staying there the entire time she says she is. I used to get dropped off somewhere and then take the city bus with friends elsewhere- then go back without my mom ever knowing. Not to completely scare you or cause chaos, but I ended up pregnant at age 16. My mom acted naive, so just don't put your guard down- stay on top of it. Don't restrict her from everything either. It'll only cause her to rebel. Good luck. (tough age)

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 4:59 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • Respect her space, forcing will make her resent you.

    Answer by older at 5:02 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • Oh gosh you can't scare me any worse than I already am. I'm only 29 and DD will be 14 soon. I don't want her to make the mistakes I did. My Mom wouldn't allow me to "date" but she did allow me over at my boyfriends house where his parents were supposed to be watching us. They didn't obviously. I don't want to look to my own mom for advice. She made a lot of mistakes with me (know everyone does but these were huge). I want DD to have as much fun as possible and stay safe.

    Comment by wahmoftwo (original poster) at 5:04 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • They know if they come home late or are not where they said they would be a privaledge is taken away. Sounds like you are such a good mom and hope you can keep a line of communication open. I liked meeting their friends- did I mention I'm a little crazy? But putting our foot down helps with the peramiters they need.
    I wish all the best to you and you precious children.

    Answer by Bergysmom at 5:13 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

  • Treat her outings away from home (without you) as a privilege. Enable her to earn more, as long as they meet whatever rules you think are fair, and she clearly understands those rules. If you trust her, let her know this - it helps when they feel 'heard' and she won't want to disappoint you. When she breaks the rules, she loses the privilege of being away unsupervised. Hope this helps. Good Luck! :-)

    Answer by ss_mom at 9:11 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

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