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A stupid idea?

I've been with my boyfriend since May 2004. Lately I've been feeling like we should be at a different point in our relationship. We dont live together, and my parents cant stand him. My boyfriend and I love eachother, and we want to make a life together. Last week, we talked about our future. I dont know exactly how it happened, but somehow we decided to get married on our 5yr anniversary. We're not going to have a wedding or anything like that. We're just going to go to a courthouse and have a civil ceremony. We're also not going to be living together. Also, we're not going to tell anyone. Its going to be our little secret for a while. I'm not going to be changing my name for a while, either. I know logically in my head that this is possibly one of the stuidest things I have ever even considered. In my heart, I think I'm caught up in the "romance" of the whole idea. What do you think? Please, be nice..... Thanks!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Oct. 31, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I actually knew a girl that did that. Her boyfriend was leaving for the military and they secretly got married before he left. It sounded so romantic, but she really, really regretted it. Later, they got married in front of all their friends and family, but she will forever have this big secret! And, they don't know which anniversayr to celebrate...LOL!!!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 12:56 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • I think you really need to ask yourself why you would want to be in a marriage like that. Is it for the idea of being married or what? Because a secret marriage with someone youre not even livng with doesn't sound like the ideal relationship....I think it would be very hard on you to deal with. Just think about it.
    jltorres87

    Answer by jltorres87 at 12:56 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • i have been with my hubby for 11 yrs going on 12 yrs we have lived off an on in different town i know it was 2 yrs in a small town 2 yrs in another then the rest i lived in a city closer to my job witch we still did things and its a place to get away from his mom when she was in her moods and we aren't really married but we will be wgen are DD is going to be 5 or 6 yrs old cause we want are kids to be in the wedding and remember it and we didn't want to deal with are friends having a fit about who is who in the wedding so are childern will be in there.. so really if you are happy the way you have it fig out then go with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • Just from experience, I think that you should really think about what is respectful to you. Think about the pedistal that you want to be put on as a women and think about the kind of wedding you've always wanted, and the man you've always wanted to be with... and then don't settle for less girl. If you never wanted a wedding with family and friends, then go for it. I only say this because a man will give you as much respect as you demand. After you get married, and I'm sure many wives will agree with me, romance dies(except for those lucky few)! Please don't be in a rush to get married for romance because nothing kills it faster than marriage.
    msp12r

    Answer by msp12r at 1:12 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • (Sorry ran out of room)... Dating is the ultimate romance... and if you're not living with him then what kind of marriage is that? If you're still young, and it sounds like you are, grow up a little bit more and get married when you are truly ready... please don't risk breaking your mama's heart over some guy that doesn't respect you enough to marry you in front of your family.
    msp12r

    Answer by msp12r at 1:13 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • i really think you need to be straight up with your parents. they may not like him but at the very least, if you two are staright up and say ehy, we really love one another and were gonna make this commitment, they should at the least respect you two were strong enough to stand up for your relationship. if your commited enough to marry, you should be committed enough to live together and stand up to your famiily....
    i love my mom, but my husband comes first and she knows that...thats how all marriages should run. your husband/wife/kids are #1 and if they dont support it, they will have to learn to deal
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 1:16 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • It is something I wouldn't do...but if both of you are ok with it then it is not stupid.
    ELC

    Answer by ELC at 11:59 AM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • was the "secret" marriage his idea? what's the point if you two aren't even living together? i don't think going behind your family's back and doing things is going to help your bf's reputation with them. marriage is not something you just do. marriage involves a lot of things, including maturity and it doesn't seem like you have as much as you should. living with your parents is hard, i know that, but just going to get married for the heck of it isn't a great idea. if you want to get married, do it how you want to, but it doesn't sound like you really want it to be like this.

    MaMaLaLa369

    Answer by MaMaLaLa369 at 1:11 PM on Oct. 31, 2008

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