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How would you handle finding out that your son was molested and abused right under your nose? adult content

I just found out my 21 year old son was abused by my ex his dad for a span of 6 years from age 4-10. Well i only found out because his fiancée told me but i don't think she meant to because we were just talking and then she broke the news she was pregnant and then somehow we got onto the fact that my so had slept around a lot while he was a teen from 13-17 and then stopped when he got with her. And she told me he was hyper sexual from his abuse and so on ad so forth. I feel like a failure as a mom i wasn't able to protect my baby boy at all and it hurts so bad. I don't know what to do i want to kill my ex but i know that won't solve a thing. Advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 AM on Oct. 31, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (27)
  • i am so sorry. this is one of the worst things a child can go through.. and the mom too. maybe you can talk to your son and figure out what he wants to do about it. maybe he wants to press charges.. don't know if he can but it's worth a chance to get that jerk for what he did.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 3:46 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • you need to talk to your son before you go out and kill your ex ,and you did not fail in being a mom,we as mom think that person we love and trust are taking good care of kids,but not he was touching him ,what was he thinking ,you son needs you more then anything else so talk and talk some more ,he needs to feel safe ,and with your ex go see a lawyer and see what you can do if he did this to your son i wounder how many other kids he has done this to and good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 3:50 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I am not a parent has been in your situtaion, but I am a child that was in that situation. I was an abused child and it was done right under my mom's nose by her boyfriend. It was for 2 years. The only reason why it did not go longer than that is because the man outed himself at a counseling group by telling them that I was the one that started it all and I that I was molesting.him... REALLY!! An 8 year old can do that to a grown man? UMMMMM... NO!! But anyways I am rambling. I know what you are going through cause I hear my mom on a daily basis apologize for what happened to me and tell me that she wished she was a better mom. Unfortunately, that is all you can do. Go hug him and tell him that you are sorry that you did not see this and ask him if there is anythng that you can do for him. To not pressure counseling, but I would ask if he would like to seek counseling and maybe if he would like for you to go with him.
    Motherof4_2008

    Answer by Motherof4_2008 at 3:52 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I went when I was a child and it helped me cope with the situation. It never goes away. The sloghtest of things can set you into a memory that you had thought that was long gone, but the couselingh will help you deal with it better. I hope this helps and I am sorry that I have rambled on, but I know both sides and how it can feel when you feel completely helpless!!
    Motherof4_2008

    Answer by Motherof4_2008 at 3:54 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I 'am so sorry that your son had to go though that,and you too.Talk to your son,it need to get out that your ex is like this.So other moms won't trust him,there is no telling how many kids he have gotten a hold of.You didn't fail as a mom,just be there for him know that you no.Good luck
    bucky77

    Answer by bucky77 at 3:59 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I am so sorry that your son had to go thru that abuse alone, no fault of yours. Your trusted your x, after all, it was his son. You shouldn't have to worry about what his dad was doing to him. I do suggest counseling for your son, it could help him handle it better. As far as pressing charges against him, which I think he should be charged, I think it would have to be your son to do it, not you. Check with a law firm that specializes in that, but I think he will have to be the one to bring charges against him. I don't know if there is a statue of limitations on that, but I don't really think there is. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers you the two of you can find and have peace.

    yomomma1A

    Answer by yomomma1A at 4:55 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • First I am sorry for your son and for you this kind of stuff is hard to deal with like everyone knew my father was beating and hurting me they turned the other cheek to ignore it. I would just be there if he ever needed to talk and thats all you can do. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:57 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I do not think that a mom would even suspect that their own father would be capable of this, so do not blame yourself because his dad was a jerk. I am so sorry for your son and for you, I really think I would go to the authorities and let him have it that way.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:30 AM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I dont know what to say but I am so sorry that that happened. :(
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:59 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I'm sorry to hear about this; I don't have anything for you. He may need counseling.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:31 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

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