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4 Bumps

Why do people.....

Say gave up for adoption? We birthmoms make a choice to "Place the child for adoption".. it just sounds so cold to me that some are convinced that it is giving up, not making a conscious decsion. My adoption coordinator, counselors, and lawyer stressed that to me. We don't just give up, we choose to make a choice for a baby to have a better life than what we feel at that time in our lives we could give them. A very unselfish decesion.


Asked by BobbieJo286 at 12:14 PM on Oct. 31, 2010 in Adoption

Level 16 (3,197 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • So true and good point. I am adopted and was able to get a hold of the court transcripts from 1962. The language they used in court and on court records was amazing to me now. The language has changed a lot since then, but still needs to be updated. I will be forever grateful to my birth mom for making the decision to give me a better life then she ever could have given to me. Hugs to you!


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Well, I don't think anyone words it that way to offend the birth mothers. I think it's just a common way of wording it. I've referred to someone gave their baby up for adoption, but it was never in a derogatory way.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:18 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I always thought it terms of "giving up the rights" to raise the child, not like throwing in the towel. I certaininly never meant anything negative. I think it is a beautiful choice.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 2:08 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • i THINK ( personal opinion) that some say that because (1) it's true in a lot of cases and (2) some just don't understand how the birth moms feel, i for one was given away because my bio mother CHOSE not to (1) learn to read (2) ask questions (3) fight for her rights . not all mothers are like mine, but then again there are many who are worse then mine. so i think that's why the term "gave away" was given... because some are.


    Answer by pinkrayn at 12:20 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I am a birth mom. I say "gave up" because I did. I was stupid & gave up my right to be my baby's mother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I'm an adoptive mother and when anyone says that, I correct them that the birthmother placed her child for adoption or made an adoption plan for her child. However, my children were adopted from the foster care system and their mother certainly didn't make a plan for them or place them. They were abandoned by her, simple as that. And that's what I'll tell anyone who asks.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:41 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • well some of us were locked away in an agency home without access to a phone ,money or any contact with the outside.The o.b. and staff came to the agency home and talked about us as if we were not real woman that could feel. In the hospital we also had our own special rooms set aside where the phones had been removed to help keep us "PROTECTED" but so thoughtfully put us close to the stations so we could hear all the babies and their families TOGETHER.Not allowed to call out till after paperwork was signed in order to" PROTECT"' us from outside influences that might help us keep our babies.My family did happily stick me there.So you know there was no choice to place for adoption for me.I could describe it differently but I think gave up or relinquish is a more pleasant choice.You tell your truth and I will tell mine.


    Answer by drfink at 3:38 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • It's antiquated language, and unless people come together and really work to change the language, it stays the same.

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 1:27 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Things do need to change in adoption. This is true. But using feel-good words in an attempt to make a women feel ok about giving up her child for adoption, that it is a noble act, well, that's not it. Women need to be educated on what adoption really means in the long run. And telling them it makes them "unselfish", "brave" ect is not it either. If you give up a child for adoption on the idea you are choosing a "Better Life" for them & then you go on to have other kids you keep, does that then mean you are "selfish" & "cowardly" & that those kids are have a "Bad Life"? There's a flip side to everything. Children are not "gifts". Adoption does not guarantee they will have a better life; just a different one. A woman doesn't need to be made to feel they aren't good enough for their own child. That's what they are doing when they tell you someone can be a better parent because they have more material goods to offer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Why are we still today stuck on the words that will place our children in the care of someone that will take care of them for what ever reasons there are for giving them up in the first place. There are ladies not able to have kids themselves, I would rather see them in the care of someone that will take care of them and love them. then for them to go through being abused or even worse.

    Answer by deejee at 7:08 PM on Oct. 31, 2010