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My daughter hates her dad's mom and doesnt want to she her, what do I do?

My almost 4 year old daughter is wonderful with everyone EXECPT her dad and his mom. When she was 2 her dad took me to court for visitation, for a year, she went over to his mom's house twice a week and she HATED IT. She cried the whole time she was there. Before then neither he nor his family had anything to do with her. Now her dad is in the army and isn't around much but his mom still wants to see her. Everytime we see her in public, which is quit a lot since we live in a small town, my daughter screams until she goes away. My ex is trying to take me to court to say that I am putting my daughter against his mother. I am not but I don't want to send her where she doesn't want to be and I feel that this is the consequence his mother has to pay for ignoring her for the first 2 years of her life. I even offered to let his mom see her with me there, to make it easier for my daughter but his mom only wants her on her terms.

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 3:10 PM on Oct. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You tell MIL that is either your way or the highway..........................................you are not going to be a part of making a traumatic experience for your daughter just for her to get her way, she should have cultivated a relationship from day one and this would not be happening.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:14 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • If she acted like that, and still does, I'd be worried about what had happened to her - yes, I'm insinuating that maybe they did something to her that scared the crap out of her. If she hates her that much, I wouldn't make her visit her - when you see her in public, make a big deal if she days hi, doesn't scream, etc, but I would not push the issue, and I would look into supervised visits when dad's back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Your MIL is being Very Selfish if she only wants to see your daughter on her terms- Let him take you to court; i don't think you have anything to worry about! Good Luck!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 3:17 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I'm sorry about your situation. If it were me, I really don't think I would leave my child alone with ANYONE that causes them to respond like that, especially if it's often and obviously more than just separation anxiety or fear of someone new. I would say that I (or someone I trust) needs to be present during the visits until we can see if she'll respond more calmly once she gets to know them. I would want to figure out why she's responding that way with this particular person too--whether something happened to make her afraid of them or if it's just a fear of people she doesn't know in general. If you're saying she reacts fine with other people, I would definitely wonder if something happened. Good luck!
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 3:21 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Get documentation of everything you're doing. Get an attorney and figure out your options.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:02 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I agree, document every reaction she has to this woman and be prepared to fight for your daughter. There is NO WAY I would send my child to visit someone that they felt that strongly about. Something happened to make her that upset, it's not a normal reaction. Since the father is not around, find out if there are grandparents rights in your state. If not, your exMIL doesn't even have a leg to stand on.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 4:13 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • Have you tried asking her why she gets so upset.. Because i'm sorry not to put bad things in your head but that does not seem normal to me. And sounds like its a warning sign that something is not right.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 3:14 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Oh, mimsm928, I have asked her, and taken her to a child theripist. All she says is that she doesnt want to go there because she wants her mommy. The theripist feels that it is just the fact that the time she is with her father's mother is the only time she is away from me. They refuse to do things that she is used to in order to make things easier for her, like fix her the kinds of food she is used to or let her watch the tv shows she likes. They are hispanic and I am white. For example, they want her to eat beans and rice when she is used to mac and cheese and watch Dora the Explorer when she wants to watch Winnie the Pooh, in short and are trying to make her like only things related to their culture. I explain to them that these are the things she is used to and she would have a better time with them if they would do things that are familiar to her. Also, they tell her that I am mean and I don't love her when she is there.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 3:24 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Well that can be difficult for a child and i'm sorry they are putting you and her through this. I would push supervised visitation at the max. You stand up to protect your little one. Good Luck
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 4:16 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

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