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How do change the attitude of a 6 year old girl and shyness with anger issues

Hello to all, I am new to this but in need of some advice really bad. I am a mother of 2 children, one a 6 year old little girl and 1 a 2 year old boy. I love my children completely but my daughter I am having some difficulties with. She refuses to play in gym class at school and is scared crapless of any adult that comes around her, she will not do anything that involves other people. To other adults this is cute to them but if she does not open up she will end up failing school and not having any friends but the biggest concern of mine is that she refuses to listen or deal with ME! As of today she would NOT and refused 100% to do anything that i asked her to do plus trick or treating was OUT of the question. She refused to go to the door even when I was with her and refused to participate with any child that was around her. At one point she got so angry that she scared a little old lady to the point she turned her light off.

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Asked by missamarie23 at 9:56 PM on Oct. 31, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Continue of post (sorry). The little old lady would not give out anymore candy. After that she threw the biggest hissy fit I have ever seen. I dont know how to get her to overcome her shyness but then her attitude towards me stinks.. Can anyone help me please?

    Comment by missamarie23 (original poster) at 9:57 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I don't think it's all that unusual to have fears of strangers. Whole religions and countries have xenophobia and it is the cause of most wars.

    Your 6 year old is not half a 12 year old. She's six. What she is afraid of today has nothing at all to do with what she's going to be able to manage on her own at 21... projecting 'her right now' into the future presumes that she has no brain development, and no ability to learn, in her future. She has a lot of growing and maturing to do, and she will --if she's allowed to do it in her own time--grow out of her fears. If she is soothed and protected from them and taken seriously, instead of pushed into confronting them all the time.

    When she gets angry at you, it's for a good reason --to her. If you don't take her reasons seriously, or have no time or energy for her personal response to things, you can expect her to get a LOT angrier with time. Read 'Unconditional Parenting.'

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:01 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I do understand that she is not 12 but a 6 year old but the school is looking as if I am doing something wrong and thats the reason she is so shy. They ask me questions and dont understand the shyness at all! The gym thing I can understand, she is scared of getting hurt with stuff flying at her.

    The anger issue tho I do not understand. I ask her why she is mad and probing questions but she looks at me as if im the devil in the matter. I am worried that if it is something I am doing that it will only get worse over the years instead of getting better. I might be young but not a bad parent at all.

    Comment by missamarie23 (original poster) at 10:07 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • i guess i'm not sure where to start and how to help, but here is a bump for you!

    Answer by asil at 10:17 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I think you are giving too much control to a 6 year old.
    I think if she is afraid of adults, there has to be a reason. Has she been abused in some way? Before you say no, Are you sure?
    As for listening to you, she either does as you say or she does nothing until she does what you told her to do. You have to be the boss.
    I would also seek treatment from a proffesional.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:41 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I know that she has not been abused in any way shape or form. That was a good question tho, the school has brought this up once before. For 4 years of her life her grandmother watched her while i worked and the other 2 years her father has had her and he wouldnt hurt her because he was "that" person when he was younger. he doesnt discipline in the same manner as I do so thats where I might be stuck at to be honest. Im not sure proffessional help is the key here I think.. Thanks to all of you.

    Comment by missamarie23 (original poster) at 10:50 PM on Oct. 31, 2010

  • I guess I would just get her evaluated by a child psychologist and see what is going on, there could be and underlying behavior disorder you don't know about just yet

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:07 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Sounds like she has been bounced around a lot from adult to adult to care for her. Do you give her one on one time? Do things that she wants to do for fun. Let her come up with some things to do with only you, pack your PATIENCE that day and spend some time with your daughter. Try this at least once a week and work in time daily to read a book or dance crazy to the radio. Hope things turn around soon!

    Answer by khedy at 11:06 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Has she been evaluated by the school or by your pediatrician for any kinds of disorders?

    Answer by KTMOM at 9:06 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • My daughter does not get bounced around, out of being alive for 6 years she has only had 3 adults watch her. I have no had her evaluated by the school or pediatrican yet wanted to get some opinions first. Maybe thought it was normal for a 6 year old to act this way. Thanks for all your opinions though..=)

    Comment by missamarie23 (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

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