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Give me your thoughts to this situation....honest but nothing rude/bashing ..please

17 yr old likes to drink and has friends who do too
17 yr old has friends come by tonight at 10:45
they want to drive around this tiny town
Ok, fine I say but why the plastic cup?
my daughter was wanting to take a plastic cup with her..and why? she could not answer ,why?....my thoughts are to mix drinks...I have been a teenager and that is what i would have done with my plastic cup, lol
So are my instincs probably correct? that on Halloween her and her friends want to leave for awhile and she takes her own cup?
I cannot raise my voice after 9 pm because the house is so small and cannot risk waking the husband or young son. so I told her to be home by midnight and to leave the cup....she rolled her eyes and was like chuckling and saying whatever.
I typically do not go anon but i am going to with this one...
What are your kind, open, honest opinions...remember this is a rural area and kids are not like the ones from the suburbs

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • you sound like a great mom.Giving kids space lets them know you trust them.Unless you have a reason not to trust them,10:45 at 17 is NOT LATE!!!!LOL.Im a night owl though. She was brave enough not to hide the cup with may suggest she thinks she can run over you and get what she wants.Id have hidden it if I was doing something wrong.
    EmilysMom105

    Answer by EmilysMom105 at 10:26 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I don't have a teenager yet and I am scared when I do! But I have to say your instincts sound exactly right. I can say what I would have done, but it depends on your relationship and how you have handled things in the past. Personally I would not have let her go. 10:45 on a school night is too late. Along with that, you felt in your gut that something wasn't right. Your gut was probably right!! I would have put my foot down and not let her go - especially since she had the cup. It is easy for someone on the outside to tell you what they would have done or what you should have done or whatever, but the reality is you need to do what you FEEL is right - and you FELT that it was wrong. Good luck mama - and I like the idea that sonnyswife had about taking her to a hospital to see people all messed up. Hopefully it would make her think!!
    mama2000_1

    Answer by mama2000_1 at 12:36 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • 17 year old out at 10:45 on a school night? That would have been my first No. At 17, she is still under your care and really has no rights. You have to stand firm, but I would have said No to that.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:35 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Having friends come by at 10:45 to ride around and school tomorrow? I would have said no. Something had to be up at that time of night. Make some rules on curfew, and let her know that friends shouldn't come by at a certain time. If she does go out, she should tell you where she is going, I still expect this from my 22 yr old. That way I will know she is okay and if need be she can be picked up. There is a such thing as a teen contract. I have a 17 yr old son too, but he doesn't go out at that time of the night. And I prefer to meet his friends if he wants to go out.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:48 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I wouldn't have let her go. You have to go with your instincts. We have to be their parents first and then their friends.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 10:36 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • First, she would NOT be going out at 10:45 on a school night. Second, i would have her talking to a police officer about what happens when she gets alcohol poisioning. Talk to an alcoholic whose life has been ruined from drinking alcohol. ALL alcohol abuse starts out as social drinking and binge drinking. She also would not be getting a license until she is over 18 and out of my house. I would also be yelling at her after 9pm, someone sleeping or not. She sounds like a manipulative person and it needs to be stopped before you get a phone call that she is in the hospital seriously hurt or, worse, dead.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:26 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I believe your instincts were dead on! Good job momma. I personally don't know if I would have let her go though because if she was taking a cup, chances are her friends had theirs. Perhaps the driver may also be drinking. I live in a rural area and so many of the people around here drink and drive or "booze cruise". It's a popular thing to do here. My aunt took my little cousin to the nearest city and the hospital took them on a tour of the people in a coma who were involved in drinking and driving accidents and he got to talk to a few people who were in the hospital because of D&D accidents and the one kids face was mangled bad and he lost half of a leg. My little cousin is now dead against drinking and driving. Maybe making what could happen more of a reality to her before something bad happens might have a big impact. Good luck!
    Sonnyswife

    Answer by Sonnyswife at 12:22 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Go with your instincts, you know her better than anybody else. If she didn't have anything to hide why wouldn't she tell you what the cup was for.

    Shines3

    Answer by Shines3 at 12:24 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I think you were right. I know at 17 you can't totally control what they do, but I would not have let her go out. There would be no way, if I even felt like they were going out to drink that I would have let her out. You have got to think that whoever is driving is going to be drinking too. At 17 they are NOT thinking clearly about drinking and driving and I know this from experience. WAY too many of the kids I knew back at that age were involved in drunk driving accidents. Some of them were even killed or killed someone else. You need to sit down and have a talk with her about why she shouldn't be drinking in the first place, and why she should NEVER get in the car with someone who has had even one drink. Let her know that you are there for her and if she ever gets in that situation where she can't get in a car with someone that she can call you and you won't flip out. Good luck, hope everything is okay!
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:38 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Yep, sounds as if you're dead on to me! I was that age not too long ago and if she doesn't have an excuse for taking her won cup... then she is hiding something. If she has frinds coming by that late at night, then they better be spending the night. You should enforce her behavior to change. It sounds as if she is doing what she wants and is going to end up dead in a ditch from a car wreck or something if you don't. She shouldn't be out till midnight and drinking at her age. Enforce rules and make her be a better adult.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 11:27 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

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