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3 Bumps

His new church is ruining our marriage

For the last few months my husband has changed. He started going to a new church and at first he went by himself ( I work most weekends) but then he told me to come with him, and so I changed my schedule so I could. Honestly I couldnt get "into it" I do believe in God, but this small country church had people bawling their eyes out, screaming & yelling, needing help off the floors - seriously. I have tried over and over but I just cannot feel the way he does about it. So I have not went back in 3 weeks.

Now he is showing hate towards me. Saying mean things, ignoring me on purpose, acting like me and our kids arent worth his time ( they are teens and do not go either) .

We went to a church cookout yesterday and he was so happy talking and laughing with the others ( who woulndt say a word or even look at me) , and he wouldnt talk to me, acted like I wasnt there.

what would you do ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • That is sad. Any religion should be teaching love especially towards our family. I would confront him and ask him how he sees the situation and go from there.

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:44 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I would start by trying to talk to him, not accusing him or anything, just saying how you feel - that his love for his new church is leaving the rest of you left out. Then see if he'd feel comfortable finding a new church where both of you are comfortable. Or try to give it a second chance, maybe it needs to grow on you especially since he has found a new family there, more or less. I wouldn't go so far as to pretend that you're into it as much but if your marriage is important, it's worth giving this church a new look and a second chance. Good luck.

    Answer by oahoah at 1:46 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • If he is really all that christian, then he should know that isn't how you treat anyone, especially your loved ones. Sounds like something fishy is going on to me. GL.

    Answer by Razelda at 2:07 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I knew of a man whom I was very involved with and yes even married too and he began to attend this type of church...after 16 yrs of marriage we divorced because his pastor told him if me or my children did not follow the "MAN" into the house of the Lord and be obedient to his wishes then we did not belong together...well he followed through and divorced me because I refused to "follow" is sad when you feel like the church is more imprtant than your love and family...Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Maybe try finding a church that you BOTH like? Finding the right church can be like trying to find the right mate. You might have to try out a few different ones and get a feel for what you like and dislike. I think it would be a fair compromise.

    Answer by fireeyes81 at 6:35 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • My best friend and I went through a similar thing. The church he attended convinced him that the people in his life that were not willing to attend church with him were no good and that he needed to surround himself with good people like himself. I told him that I would always love him without condition no matter what his religion and that it was ok with me that he had surrounded himself with people who felt so superior but unfortunate that they could be so judgmental. I am a very cool chick(in my humble opinion). Indeed we are all perfect because we are exactly who we are, created in god's image, la de dah. He finally came around but it was a journey he needed to take and that journey took years to complete.

    Answer by BluDog at 10:36 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • get into some counseling and quick!
    sounds to me like this is a cult-

    good luck!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:12 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Wow! That is really frightening that your dh and the congregation would treat you and your family that way. That's certainly not the way to get someone to see your point of view! I would not go back and I would tell your dh how this is making you feel and express your opinions. I think taking a passive route could be a mistake, fight for your marriage. Maybe find a pastor you trust to help you talk with you and your family (imagine how the children are feeling).

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:35 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

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