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My Mother In Law -.-

I'm 17 years old. I have A kid and engaged and i live with my boyfriend....and his mother. Recently she's been very annoying. We got along great before i had my daughter but now that Lily is here she's been acting as if she is lily's mom and not me. She's takes Lily out of my room in the mornings and brings her into her room even if she is still sleeping and she's schedules Doctors appointments for Lily without my consent. I finally said something to her about it and now his WHOLE family thinks I'm the bad guy. They've only heard her story though and now i feel like crap. What do I do.?

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TehHannah

Asked by TehHannah at 3:10 AM on Nov. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (74 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • move out..? I would rather live anwhere else then there.. thats creepy and inappropriate. apply for section 8 or something?
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 3:24 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • What's section 8? And I can't move out. All the apartment buildings up here won't let me apply because I'm not 18. I would LOVE to move out though. you have no idea.
    TehHannah

    Comment by TehHannah (original poster) at 3:25 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I bet you would love to move out!
    You might need to talk to your boyfriend. He might be able to say something without offending her. It sounds like she's too immature for you to be able to get through to her talking to her woman to woman.
    Some MILs are just that way. Mine can be, and sometimes I have to ask DH to remind her that I am our son's mother, not her.
    Can you get a lock on your bedroom door? That would at least stop the kidnapping.
    She definitely needs to be reminded that YOU are the mom not her.
    Good luck, honey. I hope things calm down for you soon. =) And that you turn 18 soon and can get out of HELL!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:46 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I would just be honest with her... she might think she's being helpful by watching the baby in the morning and making appointments etc...
    I know you think you don't have options as far as living there, but i'm sure if you talk to someone you can get help with a place to live, that's part of what county assistance is there for :) GL
    young-not-dumb

    Answer by young-not-dumb at 3:55 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • get out.....ask the boyfriend to say something its his mother....also try to maybe write a letter on how you feel and give it to her thats what i do so there cant be any argueing if she is reading a letter from you....hope you work it out hunny and god bless
    Mrs.Norris

    Answer by Mrs.Norris at 3:55 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • What state do you live in? Cause most states your are concerned an adult once you have become a parent. You need to check your state laws. I don't know who told you that you can't apply for this stuff like section 8 you should also get on WIC. This women needs to told straight out that you are her PARENT and you aren't the bad guy here this mother-in law needs to MIND HER OWN BUSINESS. You should like you have your shit together except for not knowing that there's things that you should have apply for Months ago like when you found out you were preggo.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:02 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • In addition to what the others have said, you should call the doctor and let them know that they are violating HIPPA laws by allowing her to take your child to the doctor as YOU are the mother and that she has no legal right to be consulted over your daughter's medical issues unless you give permission. Let them know that she has been making doctors appointments without your consent and that they have been treating your daughter without your consent and that is against the law, unless the treatment was emergency treatment.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:45 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • It may be that she feels she being helpful, and it sounds like you are just a bit defensive. That's normal, because you are young and probably feel like you need to prove to people that you are still a good mother, even though you're young. Since you have to live there for now, take advantage of her help. But, also, sit down and have a nice talk with her. Decide beforehand that you are not going to raise your voice, and tell her first that you appreciate all she's doing to help, but also how it makes you fell when she does those things. Talk about your feelings. Then make sure that you are making appointments before she has a chance to. Make a plan to get out on your own. Are you working or going to school so that you can help support your child? You may feel that she's trying to take over, but if you listen to her viewpoint, she may feel she's trying to help you. I hope you can work this out calmly. She could be a big help.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 9:15 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • You are in a hard spot. But you do have some power. Go to all her doctor appointments. Call her doctor's office. Let them know MIL does not have permission to schedule appointments nor receive health information. Solves that. When she goes to call legally they can not give her the ability to change, make, or discuss personal health information. If you want to be in charge then you have to go to all appointments. Now if you rely on her to go to some appointments because you can't.....well your stuck. You can't have it both ways. You can't ask her to do some things or tasks only when it suits you. As far as the doctor's office it is an all or nothing situation. You either go to all or you have to understand that she is going to do what she is doing. I would make it a priority to go to all because one day she could make a case you are not doing your job as a mom if she ever brings you to family court.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:25 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • The next step is doing things around the home for your daughter if you are not already : laundry, dinner, baths, cooking for you and the family on a rotational basis. Cleaning the home. YOU have to be the one. It doesn't matter if your bf is not doing those things. That is her son....she will forgive him for his laziness but believe me she won't give you the same courtesy. Yes, she will take your baby and baby her. Yes, she will mother your child. Yes, it will drive you crazy and it may be over the line. But you also live with her. So that is how it goes. DO set a timer and have Mommy Time. Each day uninterrupted 30 minutes of time to play, read, and cuddle. Hang a sign. Play music and dance around the room. Get out some toys (simple toys if young or do some tummy time). But carve out some space. This way you get your time, you are protecting your space, and you give her the freedom to mother her grandchild.  Which

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:32 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

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