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2 Bumps

What to do when a grandparent shows favortism ?

One of the grandparents shows obvious favortism and the grandkids are starting to notice and feel hurt.

Answer Question
 
ocean123

Asked by ocean123 at 10:47 AM on Nov. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would point it out to the grandparents, this is totally unfair.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:48 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • It has been pointed out to them and they justify it and won't listen to anyone
    ocean123

    Comment by ocean123 (original poster) at 10:50 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • We have had this problem since my children were born with my DH's mother. It used to really bug me but we have learned to just let it go. My kiddos get so much love and attention from us and my side of the family that it really doesn't make much difference in my book.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:51 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • My son is an only grandchild. But my parents have no part in his life, by choice. If you have spoken with them...I do not see how much more you can do.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 10:54 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • My step-dad's mom didn't recognize me as a grandchild after my brother was born, because she then had "REAL" grandkids. (Words she said to my step-dad) When you're 9, and Christmas rolls around and you have 14 cousins that all get the same cool gigapets as gifts and you get a card and coloring book... it can be rather disappointing.

    I guess I don't know what I would do, because grandparents on all but one side of my family (My mom's dad and his 2nd wife) played favorites. I just know that I learned not to concern myself with it and find people to bring into my life that could fill that spot.

    I know what your kids are going through, and it is hard! Just support them, explain to them the best they can understand that the grandparents love them just as much, but maybe don't know how to show it to them. THEN, call the grandparents and point it out. Maybe limit the time your children visit. (Not to keep the favorites away,
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 10:55 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Let it go. I've soooo been through this before. What your ideas of favoritism are may not be the grandparents definition and will just start the harboring of resentments. You are entitled to you feelings but it doesn't make them facts to others. How are your kids feelings being hurt? Have THEY said something to you?
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:55 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • My mom was doing that. when I pointed it out she said she didn't understand what I was talking about. I gave her specific examples of her actions and told her that if it continued to happen even one more time she would have to go without seeing her grandchildren at all. It stopped. She knows I don't play those games.

    My MIL shows favorites too and she tried to claim she didn't know what I was talking about. I gave her specific examples, told her it wouldn't happen around me [etc] and she cussed me out and what not. I told her to go get a life and keep her head up someone else's ass than mine and haven't spoken to her in over a month and couldn't be happier. :) Even deleted her from Facebook and all.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:57 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • but to protect the non-favorite kids from having their feelings hurt and feeling like they "have to visit." Because later on, those hurt feelings WILL turn into resentment, and they won't want anything to do with grandparents... so the more you go over and they get left out, the less they're going to want to go.

    Maybe even offer them an alternative, tell them they can go to a friend's house while the others visit gma and gpa, and when the grandparents ask about why the others aren't coming over, tell them the truth.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 10:58 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • if you already pointed it out and they still do it - i would completely avoid them for a long time... then give them a second chance with the clear instructions to stop the favoritism because there are no third chances in my book.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:09 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • To avoid both the grandparents is not fair to the grandma who does not show favortism it is only their grandpa
    ocean123

    Comment by ocean123 (original poster) at 11:20 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

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