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4 Bumps

my teen is making me depressed.

I have 2 daughters and I have always been proud of who they were. Now not so much. My oldest is soon to be 16 and all of a sudden has changed what she likes to do, what she wants to look like and who her friends are.

She was so beautiful and popular ( blonde hair, blue eyed cheerleader - the american dream) , and now she wants purple highlights, she is hanging around with kids who obviously dont have many friends ( one has lazy eyes and one looks like a shorter, fatter Roseanne). She gave up cheerleading without talking to us first. She is actually turning into a geek and I cannot stand it.

It is like I do not even know her anymore !

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (18)
  • Maybe a "geek' is what she feels like on the inside- I'd try to be supportive and let her be who she wants to be. Maybe she's got something else going on that you don't know about. Try talking her to talk with a therapist.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 11:15 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • So? Let her be happy with who she is not who you want her to be. What they hell is wrong with her being friends with someone who has a lazy eye and is overwwight. Sounds like you are a bit conceited and only want your daughter to be perfect and have perfect friends. That is so not realistic. She is expressing who she is, let it go. Big deal, she wants purple highlights, hang out with less than perfect people; she will probably meet more true people than those on cheerleading. The majority of cheerleaders I know are fake, backstabbers who think they are better than everyone else. As long as she isnt doing anything illegal, let her spread her wings and grow as a person. The more you push the more she will rebel.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:17 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Wow, I don't even know how to respond to this. Are you kidding?

    You need to love your child and show her you are proud of her, regardless who her friends are or what she decides she likes or doesn't like to do. Shame on you.

    And so what if her friend is chubby and has a lazy eye? Maybe she's a lot more REAL and has better common sense and a higher maturity level than the "Other American Dreams."

    My FIL is a little heavy AND has a lazy eye, and he is still the most brilliant man I've met. He makes over $150k a year in furniture sales! And sales is a business you have to look your best, or people don't take you seriously.

    Answer by matobe at 11:18 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • this letter makes me so sad.

    you are upset that your daughter is changing from what is popular or 'socially acceptable' to what she wants to be?
    what's wrong with her being strong enough to be-friend those that aren't in the 'in' crowd?
    she has the strength to be different, and I say that deserves applauding!

    woman, take a look in the mirror, and think about how shallow you are behaving!
    your daughter is a gift, not someone who exists to make you pleased.
    it's up to her who she wants to be, and I think that 16 is plenty old to make that decision.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Sorry, but I would actually rather my kids be geeks than the "American Dream."

    Answer by Fawn80 at 11:22 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • ~pokes the troll with a really long stick~
    Oooh.. this one's full of stupid !

    Congratulations, your cookie cutter child actually has a personality.

    Answer by Piskie at 11:35 AM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • wow ur a psycho bitch if that makes u depress ur a sad excuse for a mom and u said she was so beautiful so what shes not anyymore thats a sad thing to hear from a mom and it dont make her a fuckin geek just cuz she wants to be a lil diff. it gives her personalityy which is hard to find in most teenagers theyy want to be what u just said she was before and did u ever stop to think she might not have been happyy nope because ur selfish and prob. some spoiled rich girl and dont want ur friends talkin bout her. well u need to stop thinkin about u and worryy about her and what she wants

    Answer by babyy_blue_eyes at 12:32 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Personally, I would be happy if she graduates from high school and hasn't tkaen drugs, had sex or gotten pregnant!!! Those are the big deal breakers,in my opinion. I would freak if either of my daufghters had sex or got pregnant.Fortunately they had better things to do with their lives---getting good grades, going to college, getting started on careers BEFORE sex was even a possibility.Now they are married.
    Don't worry about her "new image".Just make sure she stays away from sex and drugs!!!

    Answer by kerp1960 at 1:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Ok I thought the point of this was help, not name calling..what are we in the 4th grade?

    I say keep an eye on her and an ear to the ground for drugs etc...but this just may be a phase and she will outgrow it. Don't borrow trouble, and get all are kids. I have raised 3 teens so for with two more to go. They all go through weird phases...didn't you? Just be open, let her know you are there for her and keep in mind, she is not out to get you, or to make you depressed, she is just being 16. Don't make this all about you, maybe she needs your support. Kids hardest to love are always the ones who need it the most.

    Answer by salexander at 1:46 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Teens most times will do things to upset parents!... Go back in time and think were you "The all American girl"?....never smoked, drink, etc??... Don't worry it will pass................ As long as you keep showing your "horror" face, things won't change....... My 16 year old cut his eyebrows with two lines on each side................. Do I like it?? NOOOOOOOOO but, they are always eager to show that what you don't like ...they loved!!.. Patience... just be patient


    Answer by Monica655 at 2:23 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

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