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3 Bumps

He Doesn't want me to be his mommy

My four year old son is telling me that he doesn't want me to be his mommy anymore after i have told him that we can't do something that he wants to do and it seems to happen after he has spent time with his dad over the weekend. I don't know what to do. I may be wrong but I don't think that four year olds can come up with that kind of stuff. I don't know how to handle it when it happens. and I don't know how to tell him that we don't do that....
ahhh please give me some ideas on how to deal with this, i feel like i am running out of them

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Asked by ataylor22 at 8:42 PM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Hes 4. You would be surprised what 4 year olds come up with. Hes just mad, he didnt mean it.

    Answer by nsrush83 at 8:44 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I would tell him that you are glad you are his mommy and you love him. It's emotional blackmail and he's trying to get a reaction from you. Just stay calm, and let him know he's loved. Once he realizes it's not rattling you he'll find something else to say.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:48 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Awww, I'm sorry. Kids pick up stuff like this everywhere (Tv, other kids, adults he has heard.) My almost 3 year old daughter told me the other day, "I never want to see you again"....still have no idea where she got that, but she thought it was funny. Then when I ignored her and walked away, she ran after me saying, "I want to see you again! I want to see you again!" I know it hurts to hear something like that out of your child's mouth. He is most likely trying to evoke reaction from you or get you to give in by making you feel badly. Hang tough and instead of reacting, act like you didn't hear him and don't let it get to you. When he sees that it has no affect on you, hopefully he will stop. Good luck!

    Answer by Kword at 8:49 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • At 4 he doesn't know what he really wants- he can't consider all of the implications. I'd ignore it. If he sees it hurts you, then he has something to get a reaction. I wouldn't even respond at all.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:49 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I remember saying stuff like that to my mom too. I was just mad and trying to get my way. Don't give into him....I would just say something calmly like: "That's too bad sweetheart, because I love being your mommy, and I want to be your mommy forever." Then go about your day, like it doesn't bother you. Children will try to manipulate our emotions if they think they can get away with it.

    Answer by moniquinha at 8:51 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • $ is the perfect age when they start asserting more. You tell them No and you hear "I don't like you anymore" OR "you don't love me anymore .." It is very frustrating, and very normal. It is time to start talking to him about saying ugly things, hurting feelings and such.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:56 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • tell him it is YOU who are gogin to protect him and help him. and he loves you and you love him and thats the way it is. it is ok if he is mad, but you stilol love him and you can talk about it. this is what ive told my son and me and his dad have equal time arrangement. i knwo how it is. my son and i are extremely close because of my openness and love flwing out, regardkess, also know that it is very hard to transition for kids from house to house, and the first day back is always fraught with complications so be patient and understanding on the first and LAST day with you. always hug him no matter what and plan fun stuff with him... dont lwt him refuse say ok but were doing this today, and do it, he will love it

    Answer by silverelf at 8:56 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • my son is 3 and in a total mommy stage/phase where daddy can't have anything to do with him and even if daddy says I Love you, he says NO i love! he will come up with things like this too and it has nothing to do with more than just a phase as we are together and always nice in front of him.. I am sure it hurts your feeling though.. i agree with saying Thats ok to feel that way right now, I will always want to be your moommy and walk away

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:02 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I know the hurt feeling your going through..and at the same time your kind of confused on why your letting it bug you so much lol A new one my daughter has learned is "Your not my best friend anymore.. FOREVER!!" She picked that up at pre school and drives me crazy with that!! They really have no clue what they are saying or what it really means.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:24 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • yeah my daughter has been telling me stuff like that since she was 2. When she was 2 she would get mad and say i don't love u no more mommy. Now she is 4 and she tells me i am a mean mom, she doesn't like me, she doesn't love me, she wants to move out and go live at the babysitters house and she is a total daddys girl if he is around she doesn't want me most of the time.

    Answer by amymartinez0214 at 9:53 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

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