Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you find someone with out them finding you?

My son's bio father has never been in his life. I am married and my son call's him dad, so he dont need another father. I'am in the process of filing for sole custody. The court house tells me I need to serve him but I don't even know where he is. They tell me that I can't do anything until I find him and serve him with papers.

Answer Question

Asked by Kristeex4 at 9:39 PM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Look on social networking sites. Either way he'll find out you're looking for him if you need to serve him papers.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:44 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • One thing I would do is to do all of my online searching from a public computer, such as a library. That way it can't be back searched.

    Answer by dmbutler at 9:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • You should be able to serve him papers without your address listed. I want to say there is certain paperwork that can be filled out that gives you "good cause" not to inform the other party about where you are located.

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • do you have his ssn number? if so message me private and ill tell yiu a way an old friend of mine found his mom....

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 9:58 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • I have tried facebook and myspace and the people finder want me to pay for the info but i just lost a job. so there is no way I could do that. and I am pretty sure he is an eilliagal because when we were together he had 2 ssn. Any other suggestion are aprricated and thank you everybody

    Comment by Kristeex4 (original poster) at 10:08 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Are you sure he's even in the country still? I know sometimes if you make an effort to find him like putting ad's in the newspaper and having them in there for a certain # of weeks will count as you trying to find him. Have you told them that you don't even think he's in the country, that's he's illegal, that you have exhausted all resources trying to find him? I'm sure there's more to it than them just saying you have to find him, and that's that. I have a daughter with an illegal and when I wanted to find him for child support reasons, they told me the best I could do was put an ad in the paper in the last city that I knew he resided in. Other than that there's nothing you can do because they don't use a legal SSN or even their legal name.

    Answer by Nanixh at 10:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Actually I believe you might want to speak to an attorney. It is hard to find and serve a person who doesnt want to be found. I believe you should be able to file a notice (service) in the newspaper of his last known whereabouts. It takes longer but if he doesnt answer the service notice then the copurts can proceed without notice. But I suggest speaking to an attorney it is a very tricky process! I had to do that with my X. They get 90 days to answer the notice here in AZ and he failed to reply so the judge issued my demands! GL

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 1:45 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • So what the court told me was I had to find him with trying all areas of internet and newspaper and I don't have a job so I can't finachaly put it in the paper at this time. The lady at the court house wasn't very nice and maybe it was just me. I have talked to a lawer and They told me to go to the courts. So pretty much the lawer were i went first said to go to the court house than the court house tells me I need to find the father in order to get the sole custoudy. I'm furstrated because the courts should look at the history and help those who dont have the father in the pic, and has never been in the pic. I know it will work out in the end but I just feel out of sorts with all of this.

    Comment by Kristeex4 (original poster) at 5:47 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Ummm oops!?

Next question overall (Babies (0-12 months))
ahh, the name "cullen"