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Do you think I am being selfish?

So here is the deal! I am a nanny/Housekeeper. so basically I take care of two households. My 3 year old daughter is with me all day as well as another 3 year old and then after school a 5 year old. I pick up the house throughout the day. clean up messes, prepare play, snacks, lunch nap etc. By the time my fiance gets home from work at 2:30 the house is a mess again and I am extremelely overwhelmed. He says hi to our daughter then goes and gets on his comp to play WOW. And that is basically where he stays until bed. For the past 3 years I have listened to him bitch about how the house is always a mess and this and that. I have worked a full time job since she was a year old! At that time he switched to part time! To give him a bit of a break after working so much while I was pregnant and nursing! He has always been a hard worker and is now working 6 days a week to contribute to our funds! We do not pay for

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Asked by tisha1030 at 11:26 PM on Nov. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (147 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • no i think he needs to help out too... you both work.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 11:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and if he wants a neater kept house, he needs to help around the house as well. You work just as hard as he does. If need be, let him have a half hour or so when he gets home to unwind, but he has to help out with a chore or two.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 11:30 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • housing or anything thanks to my job! I also work from 7:30 until 5:30 and some weekends!!! He doesn't consider what I do a job and for that feels He shouldn't have to do anything to help out! I tried only asking him to clean up after himself and that didn't work! So tonight I asked him to help me clean up and he got angry with me and told me He was tired of working and didn't understand what was so hard about picking up why I couldn't do it! he works a real job doesn't get to sit at home and so on. Am I really being selfish? Shouldn't our home be a combined effort to keep things looking nice and staying clean? I tried doing it on my own and it is extremely overwhelming and I constantly stay depressed and stressed out. We talked about it over the weekend and he told me he would start helping keep the place clean and then did this today! What should I do? I don't want to feel so alone anymore!

    Comment by tisha1030 (original poster) at 11:31 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • If he cares about the house, tell him you need help, you know? Yall both work, you definately need him to pitch in.

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:33 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Even if you dont leave the house it doesnt mean you dont work, to me going to work is easier than staying home! you dont have a schedule and there is no break no socializing with coworkers its just stress! I ask my husband to help a little after he gets home with the kids while I pick up! and on the weekends we take turns with sleeping in!

    Answer by sunkissedmom at 11:36 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • if he thinks it so easy, then why does he not pick up himself?? hes the selfish stop doin things for him, since he thinks its all so easy. do yours and you daugthers things and leave all his to do himself. he will soon get the point, i hope. men grrr

    Answer by otoole at 11:38 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • Otoole tried that one he didn't get it then I just broke down and told him I wanted him to leave (which i don't) I am just at the point that I feel alone and exhausted constantly and I don't want to feel this anymore! I just want him to understand I am not then only adult in our home and should not be the only on to clean it! Our daughter is 3 so it is hard to get her to pick up after herself! I am just tired of feeling unappreciated and undesired! I would love to have just a minute of that feeling back! Just to feel like he loves me again and wants to be with me! Instead of feeling like I am just a room mate or like he despises me!

    Comment by tisha1030 (original poster) at 11:47 PM on Nov. 1, 2010

  • When i read your story it was like you had read my mind or something because i have that same problem except his thing is xbox til bed time or near bed time anyway. I am a stay at home mom and my guy works two jobs so i can stay home and raise our son and i get that he has to work all the time i do but he doesnt think being home and doing house work and taking care of a child is a big deal! There have been some days where he has came home and gripped about there being dishes in the sink and toys in the livingroom etc. and i totally know how u feel and i only wish for attention and affection rather than being critiqued on what i have not done for the day and why i have not done it since i have been there all day! he thinks because those things are not done that i have spent my whole day on the computer and on my butt. I mean i honestly feel for you because i know how it feels first hand! No u r not selfish at all...

    Answer by IziksMommy09 at 12:04 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Men think that women should do everything in the house. The least he could do is pick up after himself. He should be thankful that you do what you do. What does he think would happen if you sick or hurt? He would have to do it. I would also tell him that I'm not his maid and it's hard to clean up when you have kids around you all day long. He needs to spend a day doing what you normally do and then he can truly see what you do.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:02 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • You need to both work at not making a mess. It is best to pick up after yourselves constantly. Never just leave things. Never throw things down. Always put things where they belong. Teach your child to do the same. Cannot play with anything until what he was playing with is put away. It will help a whole lot.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:13 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

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