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I am a chinese and I wanna hang out with chinese buddies but my hubby says since i am in u.s I should be hanging out with american people....he says I should be hanging out with American people then our chilren will be more civilized and smart. ...

IN some ways he is right......cuz chinese people who I hang out are not so exposed, are not smart......but as i cannot speak english fluently I can only say short sentences........
I find little uneasy to express my feelings infront of ameriacans......please advice me what do I do....i am really confused cuz i don`nt want to hurt my hubby`s felling and my kids future....

Answer Question

Asked by asatyal at 9:22 AM on Nov. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think you should be friends with both and share both your cultures with your children. Pick friends you like not just chinese or just american. Make an effort to make american friends as well but dont drop your chinese friends. Kids can benefit from being exposed to different cultures, don't loose sight of your history because of education issues.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:27 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I think it would be good for you to have both types of friends. Hanging out with other Americans will only strengthen your ability to speak English confidently and effectively, while having your Chinese friends might provide a sense of comfort and familiarity. Don't limit yourself to one group or another.

    Answer by fireeyes81 at 9:27 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I admire Chinese people very much. I think of the Chinese as very beautiful and graceful. I am currently working on a project to help me earn some long-term money (every day work is short term income to me). If I make big money, I would like to invest in Chinese rural education and commercialism starting in the Huairou, Beijing area. I have friends there (and would love to visit some day).

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 9:30 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I think you should be friends with whomever you want and maybe that will come later

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:31 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • There is no reason why you can not have friends who are Chinese and friends who are American. You can give your children the best of both worlds!

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:31 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Why can't ou be friends with both? Anyway I think your bigger issue is your husband telling you who you should or shouldn't be friends with.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 9:39 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • My brother is American, but he might aswell be Japanese. He lived there for 10 years, speaks fluently & only dates japanese women, Anyhow...he now lives in New York. He also has a hard time having American friends, as weird as that sounds...BUT, he found a few places where American & japanese people meat & speak japanese & do things together. Maybe you can find a group like this somewhere, where chinese & friends of chinese people meet & hang out.

    I personally think your DH is an asshole for telling you who you should hang out with. Hang out with whomever you feel comfortable with. You will meet American friends eventually. If you live in GA, i would love to be an American friend of Friendship takes time, do not force yourself to have American friends if you don't feel comfortable enough.

    I agree with Scout mom, give your children the best of both worlds. They deserve to know both cultures.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:41 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Well, lets just call them Chinese Americans already and tell hubby to give it a rest. Americans come in all different forms, different backgrounds and cultures. Enjoy all the wonderful people in your life!

    Answer by beyondhopes at 9:42 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • * meet

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:42 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Honestly I think you should do both. Maybe try and take English as a second lanuage classes so that you can improve your english but also teach your children how to speak chinese and take them to places were they are exposed to your culture. It would be a shame if they grew up knowing little or nothing about their heratige and if they know both it could open more options for their future. Show your husband that you are trying to make American friends as well as keeping in touch with the friends you already have. There are good and bad things in every culture and the more your kids know about both the better off they'ii be.

    Answer by jen699 at 9:44 AM on Nov. 2, 2010

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