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3 Bumps

How close is too close?

My husband and my best friend are close. He actually introduced me to her because they had met each other before I was in the picture. Now they seem to be spending a lot more time together and I have started to question if they are having a relationship behind my back. My husband and I have been having a lot of problems and there are times that he tells me that he wants a divorce. There are also other times that they both seem to gang up on me about things that I have done or having done. They both have denied to me that anything is happening but should I still be worried?

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Asked by mwallace1023 at 2:14 PM on Nov. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (261 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I would have to question it for the simple fact that you said they are spending more time together lately. And if she seems to be taking his side on certain matters, then it's almost like she feels she has to support HIM, which is too close for comfort in my eyes. Your husband should not be threatening divorce either. I would most definitely have a long, thourough discussion with him about all of these issues. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles.

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 2:17 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • My husband and I don't have close friends of the opposite sex for this reason...I've never really see it end well plus we know how easy it is for a close friendship to evolve into way more than that. We are examples. He was my very best friend for years and we fell in love through our friendship. I was closer to him, and him me, than any of our "SO's" .

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 2:20 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • . If you don't have a paranoid personality to start then I say go with your gut. I have a friend and my husband and her talk alot and they have even gone out for a drink when I didn't feel like going out. And never not even once have I gotten any feeling that something may be going on. I really do believe we have an instinct and have to trust it.

    Answer by sue118 at 2:21 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Thats a tough one.
    First, I would talk to DH about your concerns. Tell him that it isnt because you dont trust him, but explain your observations. It sounds a little fishy to me. I would tell him that, until you can work out your issues with him, you would appreciate if they didnt spend so much time together, or maybe ask to go along.
    I would be more upset and concerned that she is putting her two cents into your relationship with him. I would talk to her as well, one on one. I would tell her that although she is my DH's BF, she has no place in your issues with him. And explain your observations to her as well. And ask if she would be okay taking a step back, or having you come along
    Sorry to say but, I would trust your intuitions. If your DH has been changing, as he is spending more time with her, thats a red flag.
    I hope you can work things out with your DH, and set some new boundaries on your relationship.
    Good luck

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 2:21 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I always defend my bffs husband and i am not sleeping with him lol.We are close and talk all the time.He is also one of my best friends.I just know how my BFF is and I do feel for him.
    YOu really need to tell him how you feel and remember sometimes when people are accused over and over they do end up doing what you accused them of.So be careful.Im sorry you in this situation :( and i know it is not fun.BUT you could be thinking WAY to much of it.It could really be a simple friendship and you might ruin that between all of you.

    Answer by ryanlynn at 2:23 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • The 3 of us all went out for halloween this past saturday and we ended up hanging out with other people that they both know and they actually said something to me about how funny it looked to them and that I should be careful which just put things into my head much worst this week.

    Comment by mwallace1023 (original poster) at 2:29 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • so, other people have also commented on this relationship? You said you and dh were going through some problems, do you want to work on the relationship? If so, I would talk to him and get marriage counseling to work on your problems.

    Answer by sue118 at 2:42 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • tell your dh to spend less time with his bf, if he doesnt want to, then yes its more imo

    Answer by san78 at 2:59 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • My problem is when they gang up on you. She has no right to say a thing about you and your DH's relationship. In fact she should step aside and let you two handle things alone. She is definately over stepping her boundries which to me is not necessarily an affair (sexually and physically) but an affair emotionally and psychologically. She should not be a part of your relationship as husband and wife and if she does not stop intruding into your relationship honestly he will never ever be "just yours". I would talk to her and him and then personally if she refuses to step out and leave you to your relationship I would file for divorce and give him what he (and she) really wants which is you "gone".

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:26 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • If he's telling you that he wants a divorce and keeps stringing you along, why are you hanging in there with him? Its obvious that he doesn't respect his marriage with you because if he did, he wouldn't allow anyone to come in between it and he surely wouldnt gang up on you with his best freind (Be it female or not). You know in your heart that something isn't right and instead of him being a man and coming out and telling you the truth, he's straddling the fence. Make your decisions based on what you know is right...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:36 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

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