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2 Bumps

Is it right to withdraw?

I need 'permission' to withdraw from the step-kids. After only 2.5 years of marriage I am already at the end of myself with being the stomping ground for my husband, his ex, and the step-kids battle. I entered this marriage vowing to "love them as my own" but now face the reality - that can't happen and probably shouldn't. They have a mom and don't need another, but being a person that LOVES all children, I need to know it is ok for me to withdraw from them to save myself. Give them, their dad, and their mom a "room" of their own to fight in.

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his.only.mom

Asked by his.only.mom at 5:49 PM on Nov. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • like you said, they don't need another mother.I would back off besides it doesn't sound very fair to you.Be a friend if possible....good luck!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 5:55 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • IDK, seems a littel cruel
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 6:16 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • That would depend on what you mean by "withdraw". No, you don't need to be their mother and you certainly shouldn't be involved in their interpersonal issues - but to remove yourself to the point that you're no longer a stable and supporting member of their family? That would NOT be right.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 6:36 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I have to agree with aliceinalgonac if it means simply no longer trying to be another mother figure in their life maybe you need to. But if you are trying to move outside their family circle that would not be fair to the kids they deserve to have a loving, stable and supporting member in their life.
    danis3plus2

    Answer by danis3plus2 at 12:04 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • First of all, u vowed to love those kids as your own and it can happen. That doesn't mean you ARE their mother it just means that you will love them like a mother loves her children. In other words, just try to be more understanding and expand your love because its not easy in either pair of shoes. Its not easy for you, for them, for their mom nor for your hubby. Don't withdraw, just be tough. Stay strong. When you married your husband you became a family. Your husband and his ex are not a family. Used to but not anymore. So whatever business they have with the kids should be business only and if they are raging around arguing then you need to back your man, encourage and be there and not withdraw. and he should ALWAYS back you. Now I don't know all the details but I could give a better opinion if I did =)
    Miss_Angela

    Answer by Miss_Angela at 4:41 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

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