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Don't know what to say anymore...

My bestfriend has a jerk of a husband. He is constantly putting her down and everything is her fault. She has three kids with him plus they are now taking care of his oldest three. She is basically a SAHM and takes care of all 6 kids and the house with no help from him. He constantly takes his older kids side against her and basically ignores the three they have together. She cries to me daily about him and has threatened to leave more than once. Then he will be really nice for a day or so or do some of the housework and they are fine again. I have pretty much run out of sympathy for her and I don't know what to do or say anymore. I want to shake her and yell "get a spine, get your kids and get the hell out"!! She doesn't think she can make it financially without him, though with him they aren't doing so hot either. Any advice on what to say to her?

 
kmath

Asked by kmath at 10:29 PM on Nov. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 48 (296,841 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would let her know that you are there to help if she wants out, tell her your opinion and let her know that you care and only want what's best for her and her kids. You can lead a horse to water....
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 10:31 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • LOL, yeah I know. She knows if she wants to leave she is welcome here or at our other friends house. I will watch the kids if she needs to get another job (she works in real estate so she is making squat right now) and I won't let the jerk near her.
    kmath

    Comment by kmath (original poster) at 10:35 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Tell her to suggest counseling. If he denies, tell her to just file for divorce, She may be able to get alimony and/or child support. Other than that, the only thing you can do is be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on and she'll just have to learn for herself.
    BitsMom00

    Answer by BitsMom00 at 10:36 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • It's hard because she is your friend but you may have to be a friend to her but just be quiet about her situation when ever she starts talking to you (just be an ear) and that is all, because she will not listen. She is at a point where she is just so needy that she feels she needs him and only she can wake up an realize this. It will only frustrate you because she just cannot hear you right now.
    sondaughter312

    Answer by sondaughter312 at 10:38 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • I would encourage her to get financially stable,. and to yes get a backbone. he needs 2 treat their mutual children equally as well. She needs to stand up for her kids
    I understand why you are getting tired of it... honeslty i would just ignore her when she talks about it.... dont listen until its something you HAVENT heard.
    yes she can get alimony and child support.
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 10:39 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • The child support would be about non existant. His fist ex already gets most of his paycheck so there isn't much left. Thanks for all the advice ladies. I just hate seeing her so upset and knowing she is the only one who can change that!
    kmath

    Comment by kmath (original poster) at 10:41 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • Why does the ex get support if the kids are with him and her?
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 10:57 PM on Nov. 2, 2010

  • She doesn't need that and neither do the kids. Why is he paying child support for the kids that are living with him? It should be the other way around. If she wants your opinion on what's going on, tell her. She needs to face the fact that he's not going to change. I'm sure that she and her three kids would be better off without him around. I don't know how old the kids are, but shouldn't they be able to help out a little? I hope she eventually wises up to how he is treating her, it's not worth it.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:22 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I don't get the child support thing, but I think because they only have the kids temporarily while their mom gets a job around here and gets settled in. She is a whole other story. I talked to her about it the other night and let her know exactly how I feel. She probably won't talk to me about him for a while, but I got it off my chest. Thanks for all the advice.
    kmath

    Comment by kmath (original poster) at 11:42 AM on Nov. 4, 2010