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2 Bumps

Is it wrong to tell family to come visit our house on holidays?

Ever since hubby and I have lived together and got married we have spent most of the holidays with his family. My mom is a nurse so she works the holidays. Now that I am pregnant my dad told me we can't spend all the holidays with hubby's family. I don't want to have a family fight and I just want to tell everyone that if it is they can come see us at our house. Hubby's family has always invited my parents over for any holiday my family chooses not to go. We do spend Christmas Eve and morning with my parents. But like I said before my mom works so she isn't home or she sleeps for work. I don't want the tension and I don't want my baby around it either. Thanks in advance for you comments and advise.

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Asked by Rileymommy18 at 11:35 AM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Holidays

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If it's not too much stress on you, host the holidays at your house. Let both families know they are welcome to come. Or if that is too much, then alternate holidays. One year do Thanksgiving with his family, and Christmas with yours. The next year, do Thanksgiving with yours and Christmas with his.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 11:38 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • It is absolutely ok to have them (your parents & his parents) come to your guys' house for the holidays. And once you have baby, I would think they should. Babies have schedules & routines & shouldn't be interupted just because the inlaws don't want to travel. If they want to see you and the baby, they can come see you. Plus babies need a lot of stuff...extra packing that comes along w/traveling w/a baby...whereas at home, everything is already right there.

    Perhaps you can switch houses on Thanksgiving (your parents one year, the inlaws the next year) and Christmas at your house. And whoever wants to come is welcome. Once your baby gets older & gets the whole "Santa" thing, you're gonna want him/her to wake up Christmas morning & know that Santa was there....not at the inlaws house.

    Good luck!

    Answer by cheekycherub at 11:40 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • We split our holidays, and everyone is fine with it. I have a HUGE family, and step family, so it is kind of a mess, but we make it work.

    We spend Christmas eve at my grandparents house (my step mom's family), from 4-8. As soon as we are done there, we go to SO's paren'ts house, and hang out until midnight, which is when we open gifts (some CRAZY family tradition there!!!), then we go to my parents house to open gifts with my parents and siblings on Christmas morning, and Christmas afternoon we go to my dad's parents house and have another gift exchange (and meal) with his family (he has 5 sisters, and there are TONS of people there).

    So, basically, everyone gets us, and we don't have to chose. Maybe you can work something out like that. OR, just have everyone to your home. if they can't make it, too bad!

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 11:42 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • It is selfish for any family to think that the other will give up their plans just for them. Everyone needs to work together in order to make it fun. Set up a schedule, make a plan or just lay down the law. Do it now and don't set yourself up for too much craziness when your child is bigger. :-)

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 11:46 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • No, esp if you have younger kids I dont think it is fair to have them going a million and one places..When you add kids to the family It's time to start staying home and having time with the people who live in your house. And, start your own Holiday stuff. I'd say go for it if you dont think it will be to much stress on you. Go for it, and if your family dose not want to go to your house-then they see you when it works for you. Even if its after the holidays.

    Answer by Novmeber2006 at 11:50 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Is it bad that I want to spend holidays at home with just DH and DSs? I don't think so. I can't tolerate the drama with DH's family, or the smoking at the table once my parents have finished what's on their plates. Nope, we'll have holidays at MY house, if they want to come, great, bring some food and leave the drama at home! (And there's no smoking in my house!)

    Answer by matobe at 11:52 AM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I think that's a good idea :-)

    Answer by mz_erica03 at 7:48 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I think its fine for you to ask them to come to your house for the holidays, expecially after the baby comes. It takes a lot to travel with young kids, its your house, if they don't like the rules they can stay home.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 11:25 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I was in just you situation last year. Explain to your hubby's family (maybe speak to his mom) that while you enjoy your time with them, you feel that you haven't been spending enough time with your own family. Express that you apriciate them inviting your family, but that you would like to keep up some of your own family traditions. Make sure that you speek to you hubby about this first, as if his mother is not happy about what you say, she will prob run to him, and you have to show that you are on the same page. I don't think there is anything wrong with you asking everyone to come to your house (in fact your inlaws may enjoy the break this year)

    Answer by JLS2388 at 12:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • This is a battle every year. When my kids were very small My Hubby and I decided to alternate holidays. so christmas day with my grandparent this year then next year with my MIL. That got kinda hard after a while so each year we work it out. Since our families have grown we have even had xmas party the saturday before Xmas. this year is still up in the air. I had an idea but someone beat me to it. one more thing. I try to only travel to one place each day. I dont think it's fair to spend 3 hrs here and 1hr there so we use the weekends to finish up Xmas. Also try to do what you can to even it out. And honestly you don't have to explain why you decide to plan but try to compromise. Good luck

    Answer by cuteness13983 at 2:08 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

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