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My niece's birthday

One of my nieces is turning 14 soon. She has been in a lot of trouble for the past year & a half (roughly) and most recently a couple weeks ago was caught smoking pot by her mom(my sister), this wasn't her first time and she tells my sister she doesn't do it regularly but about a year ago she was caught doing the same thing and said it was her first time and she'd never do it again. I kind of think she's been regularly doing this because my sister tends to be busy with her own life.
My question is since her birthday is coming up I am having issues with whether or not to get her a gift. Part of me thinks she still deserves something but another part of me doesn't. What would you do?


Asked by oahoah at 12:51 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 11 (565 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • It's her birthday. Get her a gift. She's 14 and 14 year olds do stupid things. Doesn't mean she's not a good person.

    Answer by DMac08 at 12:54 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Why should a gift be a reward for good behavior? A gift is given as a sign of love. Of course she should still have a birthday gift, regardless of if she's been in trouble or not.
    Her past decisions and trouble may guide your gift giving - may make you consider ideas such as a journal for personal thoughts/feelings or a book about a child who conquers making poor choices or a tough situation - but to make gift giving contingent upon the child meeting your set of behavioral expectations? I find that to be offensive and unreasonable.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 12:55 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Don't give her money, that's for sure. She'll waste it on pot. But she does deserve a gift. Get her something pretty for her room or a piece of jewelry. Something to remind her that she's still a sweet little girl that is loved.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:54 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Well said, Alice! If this is a child you love, then you show it! You might show it differently because of how the child is acting, but you sure do still show it!

    Answer by justnancyb at 12:58 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

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