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4 Bumps

Something is wrong with me!!

I'm afraid that I will never love any man as much or more than an ex of mine. Do I want the ex back? Absolutely not!! With that said, once in a while I'll still have a dream about said ex and the rest of the day I'm filled with anxiety about it. I loved that guy more than life itself, I would have died for him. It was that crazy, uncomfortable at times, can't live without him, always attracted to him kind of love. Yes I'm aware that there was some lust in there too, but what I'm trying to get at is that I'm feeling bad here!! I'm married with kids and while I truly love my husband, I don't think I love him as much as I did the ex. I've dated numerous people after that ex and I can honestly say that I've never loved any man as much or more than the him. So, how f-ed up am I? I don't want the ex back, I don't want to end my marriage, I don't want to even speak to the guy again. I just feel bad/guilty, what is wrong with me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think you're pretty normal, or if not then you and I are f-ed up to the same degree. :) I have been there with the dreams and everything else. I am happy with my DH and wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but I still have that one that got away, or maybe it's better to say that one that wasn't meant to be. I think, too, that when it is young love you just throw your whole self into it and it is all consuming madness, as we get older we learn how to love in a more reserved fashion. Sometimes that feels like we have less passion or lust but I think it also means we are more mature and have learned to love without losing ourselves at the same time, and that makes for a stronger and longer lasting relationship in the long run.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:34 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • You want what you can't have, the story of humanity........................................
    older

    Answer by older at 1:59 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • A lot of us have "that guy". I sure do. I refer to him as 'my favorite mistake'. I loved him in a way I will never love anybody else. I sat at his feet, I catered to him, I supported him, I put up with everything he threw at me. It ended badly and I don't want him at all. I am in love with and extremely attracted to my husband but that one guy will always own a piece of my heart.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:02 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I got one too! But mine ended unfortunately because of distance and lost touch. =-( I don't think I will ever get over him. Found him again, but don't like where his life went. But I still love him. Yes I felt guilty, and yes I have dreams of him. But...........that is life. You are happy in your marriage and give it all you got that is whats important. You can't control your dreams any more you can control the weather. IMO, don't tell your DH, it would only hurt him. Good luck!
    Caoimhe_Oona

    Answer by Caoimhe_Oona at 2:09 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • As hard as it is for some to believe, love is really more of a choice than most people want to accept. I think you can greatly help yourself by consciously thinking about all the good traits that your husband has. Write them down, and then tell him that these are the things you love and appreciate about him. Every time you have a thought of the other guy, immediately replace it with a thought of your husband. Our feelings really do follow our thoughts, and you do have the power to control your thoughts. It does take effort and real concentration, but it is completely doable. If you will begin to practice that, you will find that you can have those exact same feelings for your husband, and your marriage can be glorious. I've been married almost 46 years, and the "in love" feelings will sometimes wane, but this is the way to get them back every time it is tried.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:08 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • i think i know what you mean. but lots of us romantasize past relationships, they are alwys more passionate and increadable thent hey ACTUALLY were...maybe thats whats going on?
    hotmama83227

    Answer by hotmama83227 at 4:50 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • You need to figure out why you are this way with your ex, did he do something or said something? and/or look into therapy.

    Army108th

    Answer by Army108th at 4:58 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Why don't you focus on your DH's good traits? Think about what made you fall in love with him :-)
    mz_erica03

    Answer by mz_erica03 at 6:21 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

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