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3 Bumps

Why do other parents think I am a bad parent?

I have a very good relationship with my teens who are 15 (daughter) and 17 (son). We're honestly friends. I know that teens will drink, have sex, smoke, etc. so I vowed long ago that I would rather my children do those things HERE than be out somewhere doing it it in an unsafe manner. My teens are allowed to drink here and if they go to a friends house where there is drinking they are allowed to drink there as well, they tell me so I know and they know that they can call if they need a ride anywhere. They are allowed to smoke, I buy them their cigarettes. It's safer than picking up nasty butts from ashtrays or wherever. And they are allowed to have their gf/bf over for the night and I am sure they have sex. My daughter is on the pill and both have condoms. They have no curfews, they can come & go as they please. I have friends and family who say that I am a bad mother for allowing these things but I don't think I am.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • Alright I have to post, I just turned 21 this year.
    first of al I'm fully supportive of the way you r with ur teens and I don't care wat any one thinks here because ill tel all of u a I'll something in a minute!
    My prents were allways telling me I can't smoke, drink or have a bf!
    As soon as I hit 16 I was on the internet talking to absoute strangers I was going out to dangerous plces alone, I was smoking drinking everything l because I wanted to rebell nd b my own person..
    As stated I'm now 21, my dad regrets telling me wat I wasn't aloud to do becayse the day he found I was going out to the city meeting up with ppl I did or didn't kno he felt so upset and he just wished he'd allow me to have a bf etc...
    I could have been kidnaped or worse. And my dad tells me to this day " I realise by trying to controll u I was doing more damage then good"
    So basically if u want ur child lying to ur face &muckin up then tell them they cant.

    Answer by mellibear at 5:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • You're not a bad mother, you're not a mother at all. Mothers don't do stupid crap like this. Pathetic.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Just WOW!!! I know I won't want my kids going to your house. I hope your not giving other kids alcohol.

    Answer by Iluvmy5 at 4:05 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Oh, I can think of why people think you're a bad parent in so many ways, I can hardly begin. I have 3 teens also and we have some very serious discussions on the dangers of drinking and having sex at an early age. And none of them smoke, probably because they grew up without us smoking around them and telling them how bad that is for their health. I would never allow my children to smoke or drink or have sex in my house, that's just asking for trouble. I've told them that if they are at a party where people are drinking and they feel uncomfortable, then they're allowed to leave and I'll even pick them up.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 4:03 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I have to say my mom allowed me to drink once I hit 18 as long as I did it with her. I was not allowed to smoke and have guys over though. I think some of your ideas are okay and open minded, but you can't be your kids best friends and be respected too. If they can walk all over you then you are no more than a door mat and a provider. I think you should be a bit more sturctured but still lenient in SOME things.

    Answer by Memigen at 4:06 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Oh my gosh.....this is just unreal....I was a non-drinking,non-smoking virgin until I was 23 .and it had nothing to do with church or religion. It was knowing right from wrong,thanks to my parents. My daughters were pretty much the same....we raised them in the 1980's and they were too busy with school, the tennis team,the french club, getting good grades and planning for college....
    YIKES!!! I don't understand why you are letting your kids run their own lives. YOU should be the boss and tell them NO on all those issues. asked the question and I am saying that you are letting your kids down.They need you to set limits.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 4:08 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Wow just wow. I wouldn't have my child hanging around kids like yours. I don't want to be my childs friend I want to be his mother. From what it sounds like you are contributing to your children's bad behavior and not parenting them.

    Answer by onemellowmom at 4:15 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Is this real? Or is this a trolling question. If you can't figure this out on your own, why this is wrong, I'm not going to spell it out for you.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 4:01 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Awww look, the trolls are out today. Go back under your bridge please.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 4:06 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • You have to be kidding, right? I am pretty liberal and even this is way over the limit of acceptable for me. As Musicmom said, if you need it spelled out for you then I don't know what to tell you because it seems pretty obvious to me why other people would have a problem with this type of parenting style.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:07 PM on Nov. 3, 2010