Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to deal with maniplualtive MIL

past years have said I'm cooking T-giving dinner so my boys have the same memories as I do of watching parade, having turkey and helping tear up bread for stuffing. Long story short my mil does this passive aggresive calling my dh at work and asking him over & over about T-giving dinner @ her house. He backed me up (finaly ) and we are hosting.
Now she is insisting on making lots of food to "help" but in actuality she is such a control freak she needs to make sure I am making what she makes every year! I told her pecan pie-she says well that's for Christmas AAARRRGGHH! She continues to play games HELP
I am really starting to not like her


Asked by koolchick325 at 5:41 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (44 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Explain to her that you are hosting TG dinner and you have planned the menue, she always does things her way, now it's your turn. The biggest thing this is, don't look like a bitch, you are totally right in what you want to do but if you get upset on Thanksgiving over what desert she brings people may think you are the one causing trouble and your husband may not back you up the next time. If she must bring something, ask her to bring the pies that she wants and then make your pecan pie as well. BUT explain that you are doing everything else, if she brings more food, don't put it on the table, explain to her quietly that you have all the food needed, as you told her you would. I know it's hard, I have the same kind of future mil (im engaged) but remember, blessed are the peacekeepers. If you let her upset you then your whole Thanksgiving will be ruined and then what was the point of all the work you went through to host it.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:11 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I would just tell her that you have it covered. tell her that you appreciate her wanting to help but all you need her to bring is the pecan pie and thats it. Kill her with kindness and let her know that you want to accomadate her and have a nice holiday. Maybe suggest alternating the holiday every year. Good Luck! Ps prepare the night before so she has no say in the ingredients!

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:48 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Im sort of going through the same thing with my husbands cousin except she wants to change christmas to a different day. Ive dealt with this sitation before with family members. The way that i handled it was to ask my husband what his favorite dish was his mom aunt made ans ask if she would make that for him. I cant say for sure if it will work for you but it helped lighten the mood for us. That way she felt like i wasnt taking over too many of her memories but also let her know that i was head chef in my house. I wish you luck!

    Answer by Marinewife0710 at 5:44 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Sounds like my EX-mil. Good luck!
    Stick to your guns. Tell her pecan pie. Who cares if it's for Christmas too! If she refuses to have it for Thanksgiving then tell her "I'm good then", and don't accept any of her ''help''.

    I feel your pain momma - I sure hope it gets better for ya!

    Answer by cheekycherub at 5:53 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Tell her Thanksgiving is done your way this year. If she doesn't want to make what you ask her to than she doesn't have to make anything.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 6:17 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • And if she still brings food, put it to the side and not serve it. Then thank her very much for the food and it was thoughtful but you had enough and didn't need it and give it to her as 'leftovers'.

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:21 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Sounds like my MIL, she's part of the reasons I'm divorcing my husband. He keeps choosing her over me.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:38 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Oh god!! Why is the crazy MIL so common??? Please let this be a lesson to us all....the umbilical cord needs to be cut eventually!! Hopefully none of us turn into a crazy MIL one day:)
    Just do whatever it takes to make your man happy and anything beyond that WHO CARES!!!

    Answer by LiviLove613 at 6:58 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Tell her to grow up and talk to you directly. Unified front, biatch!

    Answer by SamKJones at 7:45 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Just tell her that you have the cooking all taken care of this year if she would like to bring a dessert that is fine with you but you already have everything else taken care of. If she starts to tell you what to make just tell her you are really looking forward to getting to put on Thanksgiving Dinner this year and have had the menu all planned out for quite some time-DON'T give in, she will only continue to push and push and make your life miserable over other things as well be kind but stand your ground

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 7:45 PM on Nov. 3, 2010