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is it rude to check in on him?

I think my BF has a drinking prob. So i watch his alcohol intake. i monitor the bottle of vodka everytime i am at his house. But soemtimes i think it's a new bottle- not just a little bit gone from the old one. he never drinks it around me- only when i am not around.
he thinks i stop in to see him for an hr just because i am driving by but i am just checking in his fridge to see how much he has drank since my last visit... an invasion of privacy? we aren't too serious yet.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Oct. 31, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • yes that's an invasion of privacy.

    why not just talk to him about it?

    if it's something that really bothers you about him, you may want to consider breaking it off.

    Answer by flutterfae at 11:38 PM on Oct. 31, 2008

  • I don't think it's rude necessarily, it means you care, but I would still definately talk to him. It sounds like you can't really tell if he is or isn't drinking it. Can you smell it on him often? Does he behave like he's been drinking? It's hard to approach, and if he IS he could get very defensive, or truely believe he doesn't have a problem, so I'd really choose how you approach it carefully.

    Answer by mrseum at 12:08 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I dont think it's an invasion of care about him and you are just making sure he's big deal. I would be concerned as well. One way you can find out if it's a new bottle or not is mark it somehow...serious...with a marker on the label. I guarantee he will never notice the mark on it. ;)

    Answer by raybell at 2:29 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • It's one thing to be concerned for someone, it's a completely different issue when his alcohol consumption is controlling YOU.

    Answer by livewell4me at 6:54 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Livewell hit it on the head---it is controlling you. You have some co-dependency going on and need to deal with it. If his drinking is doing this to you--I wouldn't continue the relationship until you understand why you feel the compulsion. Checking and monitoring another's drinking is NOT caring--it is either enabling him or controlling you. It is UNhealthy!!! YOU are taking responsibility for something that is not YOURS. Another person should not have to "check up" on another's drug use. And alcohol is a drug. I urge you to learn about addiction and look into Al-Anon---you obvioulsy have some issues to deal with in yourself or you will always be attracted to guys you feel you need to "check" up on. And why mark the bottle? What are you going to do about it? THAT is an enabler's behavior--trust me, I know all too well!


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Well, I don't blame you for doing this. Is better know with who you are dealing with before you get to involved and is late to go back. If you feel like, find a way to talk with him about it, because just checking and knowing what is going on, wont make any difference if you don't talk to him. Good Luck!


    Answer by Zenn at 10:56 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

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