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3 Bumps

How do you forgive cheating, I can't stop picturing him with her.

It was a one night stand with a co-worker, he was stressed , our marriage was failing and so he did it. He says he is sorry, but how do I know? Am I just love sick or something? Why do I stay with him when he hurt me so badly? Does anyone out there feel the same way?

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Jules283

Asked by Jules283 at 8:28 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (73 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I can't tell you how to erase such pain or betrayal. I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. I can only say if it happened to me, there would be no forgiveness. I'm sure it would be harder to come to the decision if it happened to me; I love my husband very much and feel we are truly soul mates. But our relationship has so much love and trust that if the trust was compromised, I would have to let go. I just couldn't build back up what was naturally there.

    Obviously your individually would be different but this is my view on the situation. I wish you luck.
    Anna-Chubaby

    Answer by Anna-Chubaby at 8:33 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • i had an abusive alcoholic husband. i am now separated. he is in EVERY program imaginable, really, and doing the work and completing everything and self-flagellating himself realistically... it is hard. we have kids. tweo of our own and one together. with cheating... you have to look at it as if he masturbated is the best way i can put it... think of her as an automaton a robot. a pillow lol. OR YOU go get someone, and feel them. i am sorry but thaty is what i would do to help erase it and then start fresh. you have to at least make it sort of "exciting" in that YOU couod have done the same thing but just CHOSE not to. but you could always tell him you WOULD have done things with the peopel you know, or dont know. this might even out the risks and hurt. i dont know... if you think he isnt a "cheater" and just did it out of desperation (men get very helpless and wacky or dramatic) then you can work thinsg out. IF that...
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 8:34 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I couldn't... I left that was the end. It wasn't even the picturing it part it was the trust. I could not trust him anymore and I would not live like that.. .crying if he was 5 min late. crying if I had a glass of wine and my mind started to wonder. stressed if he got a strange phone call... or I went out of town for work.

    He was sorry. I know he was sorry. I was sorry too. Sadly, some things once broken, cannot be fixed. I did love him and I know he loved me... but I said to him "I do not trust you and I will not live like that... YOU should not want to be with someone who doesn't trust you either."

    You have to search your heart and figure out what is right for you.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 8:43 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • i was in a great 2 year relationship and i found out he cheated just once.. i left him on the spot and had to deal with him begging for me back for 3 months it was hard but i moved on after a long time im personally not one who can take that kind of abuse good luck
    19withtwins

    Answer by 19withtwins at 8:46 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • the way it seem nowaday is that the ones we love the most is always the one who hurt us the most, but u should just let it go and if u can forgive him and make ur relationship work out for the best. unless it's something that keep happen. the pain will always be there if u can't get over the past.
    paradyxe28

    Answer by paradyxe28 at 8:52 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • everyone has different stories to tell about problems but it really boils down to if your willing to stay and work thru all these issues. if hes a good man and you love each other and he slipped up because he was in a vunerable situation and hes sorry then i think it can be worked out. the hurt will not go away overnight and he will need to regain your trust. thats not to say you need to punish him daily. if you choose to forgive him then do it and move on with your life together. do not ask him about the skank, it will only hurt more and she is not a part of your life. do not allow her to intrude on your marriage anymore. when the visions of them come you must learn to quickly think of something else thats pleasant. we control our thoughts and actions. eventually this will all be a memory and if you do decide to stay together your marriage will even be stronger. im sorry your going thru this.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 9:03 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • will if you really love him then don't break up with him... but if he really hurt you then you should really think about it.. because my fiance kinda cheated on me with one of my best-est  friend...  and he said the same thing that he was sorry so i believe him and since then he hasn't done nothing behind my back... and know that I'm with him were having our 1st baby.. so were very happy... and thinking about it if i had broken up with him i wouldn't been having this beautiful baby boy.. so im thankful that im with him..

    princess137

    Answer by princess137 at 9:04 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • They say one can forgive but never forget. That type of betrayal will linger in you for a while . You will always wonder and be suspicious. It's normal. No one can tell you how to get over the pain because everyone is different. For me it was an ultimate betrayal, something I knew I could not live with. I thought about not knowing who she had been with and then that goes on to who they have been with and so on. I deserve better. And so do you but it up to you to decided what would be in your best interest. A heart can be broken but it also can be healed. Try to work it out but after you make the choice that it is something you CAN in your heart let go.
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 9:06 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

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