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3 Bumps

Is it more important to you to be your child's friend or their parent?

I'm all for people having a good open relationship with their kids, but I feel like too many people have stopped being parents because they want their kid to adore them. I don't want my son to think I'm the coolest person in the world, I want him to learn from me and the other positive role models that will be in his life.
He doesn't have to tell his friends that I'm cool, I'd much rather he tell them "nah I'm not gonna smoke pot with you guys 'cause my Mom will kick my ass".
How do you feel?

 
AprylnAtticus

Asked by AprylnAtticus at 10:09 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,979 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I'm his mother before everything else. I know he's going to dislike a lot of things I do but the rules I set are to make him a better person and he'll be my friend when he's grown.
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 11:20 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I'm their mother, first and foremost. We can have fun together, they can confide in me and come to me with problems, but I am not their "friend." That's for when they are adults. The definition of being friends is being equals. We aren't equals until we're both adults. And I don't need my children to like me in that way, they need to love and respect me.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:26 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I'm not their friend, I'm the parent. My oldest boys are great young men. They confided in me because they knew I was fair, but they KNEW my first priority was being the parent. They weren't allowed to cuss in front of me, or be inappropriate. I enforced the rules and they knew that they would be enforced.

    And I get so many compliments as to what nice, polite young men I raised.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:22 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • One reason I also find it important to be a friend to your children is because they're more likely to confide in you. I always told my mom everything, even if I knew I'd get in trouble for it, because of how she was also my friend. She's always known what was going on with me, and I'm so grateful she has always been there.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:15 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I agree with LovingSAHMommy.....its important to be both. If you are their friend, they feel comfortable to come and talk to you about their concerns and issues. But being a parent always comes first. You have to set rules and boundaries first.
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 10:16 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • I agree with you---you are not the only one! :-)
    You need to be the parent, the one in charge,the one who sets limits and expects kids to be responsible and honest. But if you are too harsh, your kids won't come to you with problems or questions. Its a happy medium, ya know?
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 10:18 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • My mother was not my friend when I was a child. She was my mother. I didn't share secrets or my problems with her, and to be honest, I still don't. Rules and boundries instilled as a child are still there, apparantly! But now I consider her my best friend, and she has been since I've been about 20.

    My sister is raising her daughter like her little friend--matching outfits, etc. Creeps me out because the girl is 12, and has really no other friends than her mother. I'm certainly concerned for her future. Seems the entire household of 5 revolves around this 12 year old child, and I don't think it's a positive thing to allow your child to believe they are the center of the universe at such an early age...

    I hope to be a parent first and a friend MUCH, Much later...
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:30 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • i want to be their parent, and if i do a good job then they will be my friend when they grow up. that's what my mom said and it is true.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:11 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • Parent first. I agree with what you said.
    Shines3

    Answer by Shines3 at 10:11 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • As an adult my mom is my friend. As a child she was my rock.
    I want my kids to be comfortable with me enough to trust my direction, and talk to me if they need to talk.
    But I won't let her do what she wants, call me by my first name to look cool, or shop in the Junior Miss section with her so we look like twins.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:36 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

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