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My husband never wants to kiss or touch me :(

I like kissing and touching and flirting with my husband. But whenever I do he gets all stand-offish, ends kisses and hugs too early, won't kiss me back, etc. He does it because in his mind the ONLY time we can kiss passionately is when we're getting ready to have sex. I say that kissing and touching leading up to that is fun, enjoyable and helps me get ready for sex faster when we DO get down to it. He wasn't always like this, but he says he doesn't remember ever flirting when we couldn't immediately have sex.

What can I do? Telling him that I am not always intending to have sex right away and that it hurts my feelings when he doesn't want to kiss or touch me unless sex is involved hasn't worked.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Nov. 3, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • My DH is kind of like that, but I'm always really open about how I feel, and he tries to be open, even if it doesn't change much. He doesn't outright reject me, he just isn't as responsive as I would expect. Then when it's time to have sex, he goes from 0 to 90 in about 10 seconds! LOL! I'm a big fan of being open and communicating and EXPECTING to be listened to, because if your husband won't listen to you are be willing to try to please you, than that is the BIGGER issue. Stand your ground. Hold onto your dignity!

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:08 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Tell him women are different than men in the fact that getting turned on for women is a long process and a lot of the process is in their mind. If I feel sexy all day, I want it. You don't stick a turkey in a cold oven..... So tell him preheating your oven takes a little longer than he thinks.

    Answer by Sonnyswife at 11:01 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • tell him it isn't as enjoyable for you if you can't have more foreplay most men want to please their women and if they don't they feel bad so i am sure he will understand if you tell him it isn't as enjoyable

    Answer by nandy90 at 11:08 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • kinda went thru the same situation a few weeks ago. He alwasy expects me to get him ready. I was like uh hello sometimes you need to put me in the mood. well caused an argument and i refused to give in for a while...the next time he turned me on first. guess it did the trick

    Answer by jbond83 at 11:24 PM on Nov. 3, 2010

  • yes have a talk with him and tell him how you feel... it's better to get it out in the open and see where it goes from there.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 11:35 PM on Nov. 3, 2010