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5 Bumps

Found my daughter who was adopted against my will. It's really hard to stay away, but I will.

Is it time to go back to counseling? Please no beat downs. Just trust that I'm telling the truth. I had a child very young and I was in a very abusive relationship. I felt guilty and felt like I didn't deserve her. some friends from our church said they would help me with her and to trust them because they weren't trying to take her, just help. The father wanted me to let them adopt her. I said no. I tried so hard to get her back. But their argument was that I didn't want her.They stopped letting me see her, and eventually the court ruled in their favor because I was homeless. Dad willingly signed his rights over to them. I have never gotten over her. They took her to another state. I found her on a mutual friends page on FB. I try not to look at it, but can't help it. I woud never disrupt her life, but it's so hard knowing what happened. I will no do that!! But how do I get through this?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Nov. 4, 2010 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Wow! I'm so sorry that your daughter was adopted without your consent. At best she should have been placed with someone just until you were able to get your feet back on the ground. I don't have trust in the system. They've ignored me for 4 years. I, too, was in an abusive relationship until I left him. I know it's hard. I would just keep up with the counseling and unless there's a court order saying that you can't contact your daughter, I'd find out where she is and write her a letter explaining how much you love her and have never forgotten her. You don't know the lies she may have been told about you. Good luck!

    Answer by leomommy1325 at 8:59 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • i LOVE facebook for the simple reason i just like you found biological family.... after 6 years of lost contact i re found my sister on facebook. . sorry i don't know what to tell you about seeing her because i would have just done with i did with my sister..... contact her.


    Answer by pinkrayn at 12:21 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Why can't you talk to her?
    I don't thing it would disrupt her life, I bet she would love to talk to you!
    How old is she?

    Answer by nowmommyof2 at 12:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • personally if i were in your shoes i would try to contact her tell her how it all went down let her know you have never stoped thinking about her but if she dont want you in her life you have to accept that but you never know unless you try

    Answer by mama2my2boys at 12:19 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I personally would just write to her and let her know you love her and are thinking of her and that if SHE wanted she could write you back!!!!! If she does then let her know everything that has happened. GL and I really hope she writes back to you. Best Wishes mama!!!!

    Answer by jnsdrf at 12:33 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • You don't have contact with her now, so if you did reach out what's the worst they'd do? Cut you off from contact with her again? You're already there. Contact sounds like it would be difficult, tho, if they've already punished her fo her natural desire to want to know about you, and trying to find you.
    The good news if there is any, is you're on the downside of the hill now in waiting for your daughter to age out of their control. 18 is right around the corner compaired to what you've already waited.....


    Answer by adopteeme at 5:05 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • How could they adopt her without your ok, and I don't think they can keep you from seeing her, you could take them to court!

    Unfortuantely, it is very easy to adopt a child that has been living with you. The mother was homeless, all they had to say was that she had been abandoned. It can not be fought in court. This is how my husband was able to adopt my son because his father took off to another state w/o telling me where he went. My son knows his BD but, doesn't want a relationship.


    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:22 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • She's 12. So I'm really not sure what she's been told. I know she attempted to contact me and she got in big trouble by her parents before she got to me. They try to keep her from the truth. That's why they took her out of state. That's why they cut us off when they promised they wouldn't. I found out after, that they had tried to adopt through an agency before getting my baby and they diclined her due to personal issues. So she saw an opportunity.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:22 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • yes stay connected with counceling and those people from church are not your friend whatver you been through only you know i am deeply touch by your story and pray for you. i dont know how old your daughter is but i tell you on thing. the way you been feeling can kill you ,stress and worries get your life in order rach out for help focus on you and your health mentally and physically and have a leg to stand on when she is able to understand who knows things happen for a reason and we must learn from them. i know how you feel but think about it the state wouldve took your child away anyway if you was homless and get hooked up with losers thank god you know where she is love yourself and take care of yoursef . you can not love or take care of anybody if you cant take care of yourself and love yourself. no matter what you can do it . the child safety and care comes first and you couldnt do both

    Answer by gianna530 at 12:32 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Thank you everyone for not beating me down. It's not easy for me to talk about. And I have a lot of issues because of it. I beat myself up everyday for trusting them. For trusting my ex, allowing him to get me pregnant, etc.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:34 AM on Nov. 4, 2010