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2 Bumps

My husband cheated on me. Should I stay?

It has been 5 months since the discovery (my friend caught him with this other woman at a bar). It was a 6 month affair and the woman has moved since. At the time that the affair started, we had been happily married 3 years and our son was 1 year old. It was completely shocking to everyone considering how happy we were and how conservative he is (or at least used to be). He has since told me the truth about every last excrutiating detail I asked him about to help me understand and has done better at trying to be a good husband and dad. The only thing is that he is still looking for an outlet (currently a martial arts class 2 nights a week) and other activities. I feel like he doesn't want to be home with us and i can't help but wonder if he's at it again. Our marraige is now mediocre and routine. Hi'sand bye's between workand sleep. Why am I still married? Is it wort it to stay?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:58 AM on Nov. 4, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • No one can tell you if you should leave or not. It's a very personal decision. Recovering from an affair is extremely difficult. My dh has cheated on me. I stayed and our marriage went downhill fast. I couldn't let it go, I was hostile and brought it up in every fight. It went on for 3 years before we split up. We were separated about 4 mo. We got a chance to clear our minds and see how things are on our own. In the end we got back together. A marriage can recover, but it is hard. We also went to counseling. It doesn't have to be married or divorced. You could separate for a while until you figure things out. That may also let your dh know he can't get away with it with no consequences. I wish I would have split from my dh right after so we could sort it out then instead of living in hell for 4 years. You do what you feel is best. A lot of people will say to leave, but its your marriage and your life. Good luck.
    MissAlisabeth

    Answer by MissAlisabeth at 3:13 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I couldn't honestly but that's just me. Different things work for different people. I can't deal with a cheater and mediocre doesn't make me happy. In my head (which is a scary place to be) I'd rather be alone and happy then married and "So So"
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 2:05 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Maybe you should try marrige counceling.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • i am a forty somthing woman married 11 yrs to me the first yrs were the best it has been a helluva rollercoaster ride since i just know the vows i took before god and everyone else meant ALOT i just mean marriage aint always easy alot of work compromise and time to even be together i just found out about an emotional affair my husband had i gave him a choice you want to be married or not dont waste my time or yours but we dont have kids at home different my feeling is gotta take the good the bad and the ugly it will always be a helluva ride life is not just flat maybe make more effort to be together i found that if you cant even spend 5hrs a week together its a f-ing problem waiting for some little fly by nite to swope in
    boondocks

    Answer by boondocks at 2:22 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • No i would really think if you are happy and in love still? then you will find your answer....god bless
    Mrs.Norris

    Answer by Mrs.Norris at 2:41 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • If I found out my DH was cheating,I couldn't stay with him. I wouldn't be able to trust him any more .When the trust is gone your relationship will not work.I could not stay in a relationship wondering if he was doing it again,or when we are having sex who is he thinking about,me or some other women.
    It sound like the reason he told you, is because he got caught.6 months is a long time.Don't get me wrong, I believe on working hard at your marriage.There one way I will leave my DH that is if he cheats.He know this.I don't cheat on him and wont,so I better get the same respect.You shouldn't have to go though this just because most guys cheat.Not all of them do.You can get some one who will respect you.But if you think you can trust him and want to work on it no will blame you.Most the time once a cheater all ways a cheater.Good luck
    bucky77

    Answer by bucky77 at 2:48 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I BELIEVE IN once a cheater always a cheater. He got away with it for 6 months the first time and if it wasn't for you having a good true friend then you would have never thought about it for a minute. So your hubby thinks that he could have gotten away with it if wasn't at that bar at the same time your friend showed up there. I don't believe in completely throwing your hand in , in a marriage but CHEATING is just the most DISRESPECTFUL thing your partner could do. I don't care who the hell the person is you don't know who has what now-a-days if you believe in your heart and sole he would never do it again then work on this marriage you two together, If you don't believe it then part your ways it is not worth your time. You did mention that you think he may up to no good again. Once a man does this one it never leaves you that is your first thought. GL MOMMA
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:08 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • It's really up to you on what you should do. Each relationship is different. Asking the CM population is really a bad idea. I have been married almost 20 yrs and he cheated on me in the first 5 yrs. We worked it out, and believe me, it was trying. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater because I know different. I know for a fact that my dh hasn't cheated since and I have all the confidence in the world he won't again. You are the only one here who knows YOUR situation. The best advice I can give you is to take this one day at a time. Communicate your feelings with him. Talk to friends/family (those you can truly trust) if only to just vent. Breathe.
    goldilocks70

    Answer by goldilocks70 at 4:15 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • sadly..most men are unfaithful...it's NOT an excuse at all....I would say to try marriage counseling...and try try try to make it work...it's..but sometimes the men need to be shown some tough love and see what it's like to possibly lose their family...a great book is called "love must be tough" by Dr james Dobson! it's fantastic!
    Mommyof3yippey

    Answer by Mommyof3yippey at 2:15 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • You should leave while you still can because if you get comfy again I promise you it will happen again just take the kids and go.
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 3:15 AM on Nov. 4, 2010

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